its cold, im laying on this striped bed in an emty house shaking. i had to move out today, got all wet carrying stuff, came back to this empy house and its so cold coz im all wet. i broke my hand few days ago and never went to hospital and hurt it even more today while moving stuff. and im hungry, didnt eat anything today. even finished my cigarettes now. guess thats how it ends - ure just laying alone, cold hungry and in pain.. thats hows its gonna end 4 me. but not today im afraid:-( i wish it was today.. i lost everything by now and i know nothings gonna change. not 4 me. i want my phone to ring, i want someone to come, take me home, get me to change my clothes, get me smth to eat and take to to the hospital, maybe punch me to the face and tell me to get my shit together. but its not gonna happen. nobody will come. ill just lay here in this bed alone, 4 i dunno how many hrs until the pain will get unbearable and then ill be forced to go n take care of myself. coz nobody else will. i just wanna die right now. but i cant even do that. im so pathetic, so useless. im trying to tell myself 'get up, just get up and go and sort urself out instead of laying here and suffering' but i cant, ive just no power 4 that. i just wanna die. dunno why m saying all this.. M probably trying to understand myself, to understand what the fuck is wrong with me, when comfort is a short walk and a few phone calls away, why i stil lay here wishing id die.. i just dunno anything anymore