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  1. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I guess I'm just prepared to give up on everything... I don't see my life improving at all and all I can see is it getting worse. kinda just can't do it anymore... I'm having a hard time finding it in me to just keep going...
     
  2. Akita

    Akita Well-Known Member

    Hi Kankuro. Is there some reason that you don't see life improving?
    Please don't give up Kankuro. We all care about you here! :hug:
     
  3. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    What about Emily, you've waited ages to be happy like that and you'll see her again soon surely that'd gotta be a good reason to keep going ?
     
  4. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    With me being as sick as I have been lately I've had to take way too many days off from work... Now because of that its going to be months before I can make it out to see her again... And I just have that feeling that she'll just find somebody better than me and just move on.
     
  5. black orchid

    black orchid Well-Known Member

    I know how hard it is waiting between seeing someone, I used to be the same going to and from Scotland as it was so expensive. But when you are back there it all seems so worth it :)

    After the amount of time she has waited she must love you tonnes so the chances of her deciding to find someone else I think are slim. You're just too awesome lol
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 10, 2010
  6. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Thanks, but I'm just looking at reality... She's an amazing person, Young, at a major college, and is in my opinion extremely beautiful. All that added up makes it very easy to meet people... and in all likeliness somebody better than me in every way. I basically have nothing going for me... I mean maybe I have a decent personality... but thats about it.

    I have to look at facts.. I didn't even graduate high school (mainly because my depression made it very hard to do school work and what not) I'm failing at my job.. so its only so long before I lose that. I'm close to losing a place to live.. so basically I'm losing everything. not that hard to find somebody better than me.. She deserves better. Everybody around me deserves better.. so really I see no point.
     
  7. Cute_Angel_Xx

    Cute_Angel_Xx Account Closed

    Hey Kankuro,

    Seem's like you've been through alot and are worrying about the future, well firstly you are not alone *hugs*. Depression can cause aalot of hassle in life, recovering can be hard. Do you get any sort of couselling to help & support you, with your depression? If not have the Dr give you Anti Depressants which do help but taste eh lol :)

    Take care look after yourself *huggies*
     
  8. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    hey Josh imagine how Emily would feel if you hurt yourself..she loves you ..hold onto that
    and so many people here care about you too ..I care
    when you say sick do you mean with the depression?
    have you spoken to your doctor lately? :arms:
     
  9. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I'm sorry... but I've decided this is my last weekend alive. I've given it a lot of thought... this is what's best for me and everybody else.
     
  10. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    No No No...
    talk to Emily, talk to us but don't hurt yourself..
    why do you want to go now?
     
  11. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    It really doesn't matter... Its the best option for me.
     
  12. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    I guess goodbye...
     
  13. chjones21

    chjones21 Well-Known Member

    Hey kankuro. I don't know you, this is the first ever post I have read of yours but I feel sure you have an enormous amount to give ... to this world and people around you... can you not 'do' something suicidal rather than commit suicide, like give all you have to the poor or sign up for something crazy (the equivalent of joining the French foreign legion).

    You are clearly capable, empathetic and have qualities that are very much valued on this forum --- you just don't seem to have been able to find the space or place where they can be put to use.

    I haven't read his book but I think I was told about Buckminster Fuller who as a short, failing, balding loser whose marriage was falling apart after the death of his son took himself to some bridge and yet when he got there thought - wtf I am going to go for my wildest dream (to be a physicist or something) because what have I got to lose.... Well, maybe I haven't got the story right I'll have to google it - but what I mean is, use this despair and turn it to your advantage. What can you lose? Nothing. So go for it, your wildest dream, your sense of self and if u end up starving and homeless on the streets, so what? It is just a new experience and you have nothing to lose....

    Well it is morning here - I haven't slept much (guilty conscience) and maybe I am making no sense. I hope you r fighting fit. Sometimes don't we just need anger rather than despair?

    I need to do something to change my life but what... that is the question? Something small to start with. Perhaps u could be my change buddy - I do one thing, you do one thing and so on and so on until I you everything is radically morphed into something entirely unexpected.
     
  14. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    are you ok?
    please reconsider...your children need you, Emily needs you, we need you.
    :hug:
     
  15. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Am I still here? Yes.. Am I okay? Nope... Will I reconsider? Nope.... now its just the matter of when. All I know is soon...
     
  16. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    That's not the answer and deep inside yourself you know it isn't the answer. You're suffering from an illness and you're letting that illness make your decisions for you. Don't let it win. It doesn't deserve to win. You deserve to win and you deserve a better life where you're not ruled by this. You owe it to yourself to get some help.
    Stop beating yourself up about what's gone wrong in your life. Everyone has things which go wrong.
    I left school at 15 with no qualifications whatsoever. I was pregnant and had a baby a year later. Everyone wrote me off, even my family who thought that was my life over.
    I've now got 2 degrees (B.Sc and M.A.) and a decent job and a good marriage and 3 fantastic daughters. Its been really hard and it's taken me 30 years but I got there.
    You have to accept that this illness can slow us down. We don't achieve the milestones at the same rate as other people, it takes us a lot longer to get there.
    It can be done though. You're clearly intelligent and you have the opportunity to make a difference in this world. If not for yourself then for other people. Cling to that thought and hang on.
    xxxx
     
  17. ZombiePringle

    ZombiePringle Forum Buddy and Antiquities Friend

    Well... really. I appreciate that but there is no way of that being me. Just this morning I was told by the mother of my daughter that it wouldn't matter if I die. Also that she doesn't know if my daughter would be better off without me... which I know that she really meant that yes my daughter would be better off without me, She just didn't want to say it... I know how she thinks. I was also informed that I probably won't be welcome in my daughter's life. What else have I got? Emily? I don't even fully have her... She is an amazing part of my life but she is also 3 hours away.

    All this was said after I had decided my life should just end... so really.... I'm even more set in that decision. Like I said it will be soon... Can't say when.
     
  18. CatherineC

    CatherineC Staff Alumni

    Why is there no way that it could happen to you?
    Why do you care what the mother of your child says? All that you've shown in your post is that she's not a very nice person. I wouldn't waste anytime on her opinion. Why do you?
    Also, what makes you think that you can 'fully' have some one? In the most stable of marriages, there are two individual people.
    You need to grab hold of what's good in your life and hold on tight
    x
     
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