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i sit infront of my computore waiting for....some thing, a sign from god, i know what is coming, tomorrow i am gong to crash, i am going to sh i am going to proly write another set of suicide notes, i more than likely will tire the noose, i will proly cry most of the day, then i wount eat, so it will get worse, then i will proly sit waiting from a sign from good again, only crying while i do it, then i will start all over, i am not going to sleep tonight, i am going to be depressed and hate my life andf suffer it because i am scum deserves to sufer, i am going to hurt my self because i hate my self, i am going to want to die an prepare for it because it isnt a suicide, it is an execution, i will be executing a weak and evil creature, a worthless scum bag degenerate honorless cur...i am going to suffer through it all and do it again the next day, and the next, with out end, i want to end it, one way or another...fuck, why cant i be stable, why cant i live like the resty of the world.......................................


Wow...I can not tell you how many days I have felt just like that. Don't wait for God for one. Even if for some reason he does help it will probably be in a way you don't see. You really need to get outside...it makes you feel sooo much better. Go for a run, play basketball, just do something active. Please don't say you are worthless or a scum, just because you don't feel great does not mean you are evil or honorless. You have so much honor for making it through each day and to keep going with the way you are feeling. I can tell you not everyone has, and you should be proud of how far you have been able to go under these conditions and realize you are a great person. I really hope you can feel better and keep going. Strenght and honor......(Gladiator:biggrin: )
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