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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Lilly, Mar 27, 2011.

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  1. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    Can i cease to exist now please?
  2. What has happened..? Want to share with us..? :hugtackles:
  3. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    I just have...a lot to do...and i dont know if i can do it all on time, and i don't know if i will be able to get good marks on all of it.
    i HAVE To get good marks, everybody is like...pressuring me, sayng how smart i am and all this, and how ill always do better than the rest of my family did...i know that theyre just trying to be flattering and perhaps they really mean those things, but i feel like its expected that i get perfect in everything i do...its a lot of pressure and i think im not exactly handling it very well...at all...im just freaking out...and its over something that probably seems so stupid to want to die over but its just...
    if i didnt exist anymore, no one would expect anything... like...if i fail, theyll all be so disappointed in me
  4. Kaos General

    Kaos General Well-Known Member

    Would it be the end of the wotld if you just passed? Why do you need to get good marks just to please everyone else? Sounds like your a bit of a perfectionist and im pretty sure they would be happy if you was just happy
  5. Lilly

    Lilly Well-Known Member

    if they were happy with my happiness i wouldnt feel like this...its not that im a perfectionist..its...see? i told you it was stupid...
    nobody will possibly understand what im saying when i cant even explain it right...
    ive never gotten below a 90% in my life, and i cant change now. its not just about marks anyhow its about THEM its always about THEM...nobody gets it..just forget i said anything..
  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I get it i do but you have to stop letting them hurt you okay do let it be about them anymore. You take care of YOU and be proud of what you have accomplish and what you are doing hugs
  7. meeko1004

    meeko1004 Well-Known Member

    I totally get where your'e coming from.
    I graduated as valedictorian from high school, and it's humiliating now to think how I can barely pass my classes and function in college.
    I can totally get the feeling of being trapped and pressured and overwhelmed, like you're trying to juggle a hundred balls that are bombarding you - and trying to keep up with everyone's expectations, and when you fail everyone around you for what seems like all the time, you start to just want to crawl up in a hole inside and die.
    It. Sucks. Big time.
    Depression is a debilitating disease. Give yourself some credit for making it this far with all the crap you've been feeling. Just breathing and getting out of bed is a huge accomplishment - really.
    I'm hoping that after all this is over, when I've come out the other end alive, after my whole life and my self-worth has been torn down and utterly destroyed, that I will come out of the ashes a stronger, tougher, more authentic person. And so will you.
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