8 months Then all of this

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by oliver55, Dec 14, 2009.

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  1. oliver55

    oliver55 Member

    it was 8 months no cutting it went by like mornal nothing good nothing bad just here. then all of a sudden i lost my grandmother and then a week later 2 of my aunts one to cancer and the other in a car wreck. right when i thought things couldent be worse my gf left me when i needed someone the most so i did the only thing i could think of doing to numb the pain i held a razor to my wrist and cut deep so i could see if i felt anything but after that all the emotions i had were gone. i came out of my room arms bloody feeling nothing no one loves me no one cares and as long as i have my real friend my razor im as good as one can be in this life of pure hell. i just needed to let it out to be honest with you and the taste,the smell and the look of my own blood is sweet to me. no one gets me and its hard being the only child in a life where your father beats you and your mother walks away from you when you need someone.
    can anyone help me? or even give me some hints to get threw a day without feeling the need to put the end of a shotgun to my head and pulling the trigger.
     
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    :hug::hug::hug:

    I'm so sorry you are going through so much...I can relate to what you're saying...after about a year without cutting...I cut last week....

    It must be horrible to lose so many people in such a lapse of time...do you have a therapist? To talk about all the lost?

    I can relate to what your saying about your family...my dad abused me, my step mom is in denial and I only have my mom who's mentally ill...

    hang in there...and keep talking, it helps sometimes...
     
  3. oliver55

    oliver55 Member

    i had a therapist then i moved and right when i was opening up i was forced like ive always been forced to move around make new friends and i lost all contact with my other friends its hard giving into cutting and its even harder to put the razor down after you start because well in my own mind im doing something thats real and something that almost helps me but i just got back from the doctor and i cant help but feel bad because he said just push it all inside and try not to think about it when its always been in the forefront of my mind and its not like i can forget about my past because i tried but all the scars and all the pain comes back every time. and im sorry to hear about you situation as well would you like to talk about it more i know this is helping me not much but as much as anything will at this point besides ending my life
     
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    that doctor is an idiot...don't follow his advice, you have a right to express your pain, sadness and problems...its not just going to go away...it has to be solve...maybe you can find a new therapist where you are now? or a clinic that specialises into cutting?

    I can relate to moving alot, when I was in foster care, I did move around alot...so now I only have one real life friend...I'm pretty much alone all the time....
     
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