.....

I'm completely falling apart. I just took sleep meds but until they kick in I am actually scared of myself. I've been gradually getting worse for weeks and today it just all hit me. I'm failing myself and those very few people that might care about me at all. I don't know how to get ahold of myself.

 

Have you got a therapist?
If no therapist phone your GP pronto and make an emergency appointment.
If you do have a therapist, ring them and get them to see you as an emergency.

 

I have a strong distrust of therapists. I need to pull myself together enough so I can call the courts about my child support for my son. His mother called me for this first time in over a year saying there was an issue with the child support. Good news is it might help me re-establish contact with my son.. I hope. But... I need to pull myself out of this slump I'm in and force myself to pull myself together so I can make the calls that I need to make.