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She tells me she needs to talk.. and i plead and beg in my mind that it is anything other than what i know it will be, what i dread to hear her say. I wish she'd tell me she hates me, or thinks I'm a bastard, but no, she's moved on with someone else and is enjoying herself. I know I'm suppose to be happy, but how can i when it feels like she still has hold of my heart, her hand through my chest and the further she is from me, the further she drags it out. Why the FUCK does she tell me I can talk to her still though.. when i was told off by her friend for upsetting her when i said i was alright i guess... when she asked... perhaps i should tell her that i've slipped back to where i was, and i'm going back to the deep dark hole i used to reside, to hurt myself and where crying myself to sleep is a luxery to be able to show emotion... Why does it seem she can move on so fast, why do i live in the past.. and why do i still shed tears for her. And to think before she told me I tried to convince myself that if i do my best to pretend i'm happy perhaps it will make me feel better. Now I just want to fucking stab myself, for feeling like this, for being like this, i know i'll never be sane, my mind is scream and turning in my skull. I wish I could just end it all... but I'd hurt too many people, if life was fair perhaps I'd just die naturally...
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