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im feeling very unstable and "close to the edge". my husband left to go to his new duty station a week ago and i'll only be able to follow in november. i moved back in with my dad for now bc we moved out of our apartment and had all our furniture sent to the new duty station and since i live far away from where we used to live, i cant see my therapist anymore. i have no one to talk to about this now but i really really need to. i have BPD and when i tell someone how i feel about this situation they will think that im childish and overreacting. i was thinking about calling chrisis line but they didnt understand it either last time i called.
im trying to distract myself and to keep busy so i dont count the minutes untill i can talk to my husband on the phone again. hes the most terrible phone or online person and we cant talk and be as affectionate as we usually are. i need that though! its driving me nuts and im even beginning to get thoughts like "is he trying to distance himself from me?", "is he only not saying how he really feels bc he feels bad for me and would feel guilty if he told me straight out that im dragging him down and that he isnt happy with me?". i dont want to think about stuff like that but its creeping up on me and i wait for him to be affectionate with me and tell me he misses me, to take away my worries. it just doesnt seem to happen. maybe im just too needy atm and what hes showing me isnt enough. i told him about how i feel and he told me i was just seeing everything negatively, that nothing changed between us and that hes doing his best in phone conversations.

ive been trying to call some friends so i can get out of the house and distract myself but no one is answering my calls. one very good friend i got back in touch with, i talked to on the phone for quite a long time the other day and we made plans to meet up again twice but both times she ditched me and now she even turned off her phone completely. i text and call but no one answers me! its really driving me nuts. i feel rejected
i feel so alone, rejected and abandoned and only after a week. i feel like no body cares about me, no body >loves< me enough. i feel like a big baby for needing so much affection and constantly needing people around me to convince me that they care for me and love me.

 

[Speedy]

If chat on here is something you haven't looked into before (although I'm sure you have), then maybe that might distract you today. I'm not one to give advice, especially concerning relationships. I've always felt like I, like many others, want to be loved and to love.. and being touched is something that is craved sometimes. Anyways, keep talking to us here if it's not bringing you down. ~ With caring, Alex

 

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i dont really know any of the people that are in chat alot. every time i was there i was ignored bc the others all know each other and i dont.
yeah being touched is such a big factor. everytime he leaves i feel like he just dissapeared from my life. i pretty much need to talk to him 24/7 but i cant obviosuly. i need to always be talking to someone but im being completely ignored by everyone

 

[Speedy]

I get what you are saying.

 

[Acy]

That sounds like a tough situation. Most people would miss their partner and feel lonely.

Do you have any interests or hobbies that you could do to fill some time? Perhaps something you've always thought of trying. I learned how to do stained glass when I suddenly had "time" on my hands for a while.

You're husband is probably pretty busy just getting settled in there, and not ignoring you or thinking any of the things you are worried he's thinking. Feeling down and lonely can have our imaginations running wild.

Being apart takes time to get used to. Realistically, it's for about two months - school vacation. So not all that long, though it feels long. Try to take it one day at a time. Maybe you could do something each day and write it down so you have lots to tell him when you do talk (e.g., walking in the park, trying a new recipe, reading a book...).

Hope you have a sunnier day, sweetie. Will be thinking of you. :hug:

 

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the funny thing is, we have just been apart from each other for a year while he was deployed to afghanistan. and i still havent learned to handle it any better.
but then i knew that he didnt have time or internet connection to be able to talk to me sometimes.
now im thinking of what he might be doing and with who. he has never been this cold i dont know what to think of it.

what i mainly need right now is contact to people more than anything. thats why im trying to get up with friends but they arent interessted. i need affection and lots of it.

yeah these 2 months arent really that long. but alot of things can happen within two months and im scared that he really is trying to distance himself from me and isnt interessted in talking to me anymore, like my so called friends. but maybe i really am just being stupid and imagining everything.
i need to find something to do and i need to stop thinking!

thank you acy and mr alex. :hug:

 

[Acy]

I don't think you're being "stupid" - we all have feelings, whether they arise from immediate circumstances, our heads and fears...whatever. I think, though, that you're on the right track, trying to find things to do.

One thing I learned when I was married and my husband used to be away on business was to "enjoy" my own company. That meant learning to be content without others around all the time to kind of validate my very existence. Dunno if that's sort of how you feel, but I know that learning to like myself helped a lot. I guess it's finding that balance of alone time and time with friends. How about renting a movie and inviting a friend to come by and watch it with you? Specific plans sometimes help make others a bit more committed to getting together with us.

Keep posting here, and do keep trying the chat room. If you're hesitant, look as some members' profiles and see if any Chat Buddies are around. Send them a PM and say you'd like to go into chat and be included in the convo. Once people get to know you, they'll be a little more "inviting".

 

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hmm i suppose it would be good to learn to like myself more and be content with, no appreciate some alone time. i do in small amounts, but sometimes it would be nice to feel the affection of another person. it doesnt have to be in person, though i'd perfer that of course. i'd be happy with a nice conversation over the phone with a friend. if only the bastards called me back lol

i was planning on painting alot over the next couple weeks but that seems kinda boring as well. i would rather do something around, with or in a group of people. meet people and make some friends but thats so much easier said than done!

 

[Acy]

I noticed you're online right now. :hug:

As I read your post above (you just want "the bastards to call back"), it occurred to me that if school has started where you are, September can be very busy if you're a parent or a student. Also, many group activities and sports for adults and kids start in the fall. Just possible reasons that people might not be calling right away.

Painting sounds like fun to me. Very relaxing and a way to express yourself. What do you paint?

Could you do some temp work a few days a week? Perhaps volunteer with an agency or for some cause that interests you? (Volunteering is a nice way to meet like-minded people.)

Hoping that today is bright for you!

 

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:hug: thank you and hug right back at you

i guess i do take things like that very personal and assume they dont want nothing to do with me. no i take everything personal. however i do know that they arent busy atm since the winter semester will start in october here and they arent working or doing any sort of frequent activities.
one friend was supposed to come over and i was gonna call her when i got home. i had just talked to her before i left about 2 hours before and then she simply tunred her phone off and didnt asnwer the house phone.
another one i had called and texted and i just saw her online for quite a while yesterday but i still havent heard back from her either.
ill try to get up with some more and see what happens.

i mostly paint landscapes and still lifes and draw portraits. i wanted to practise and do as much as possible to improve but i dont have the motivation for it right now. i have too much energy right now and cant sit and focus on a painting.

i thought about volunteering at the music school i used to work at bc i already know people there.

thank you for your nice response you have a good day too

 

[alexman]

havent i said u could talk to me anytime? im home and online almost 24/7 and i can be pretty understanding