I never should've brought people into my life again - all it does is hurt. I'm way too unstable to function in relation to other people. I overreact. I over-analyze. I automatically think the worst case scenario 'cause if I do, I keep thinking I won't get an unpleasant surprise (yet I'm always crushed). I should've fucking learned by now. I should've known that me and other people don't match. Hypersensitivity to abandonment and being unable to cope with rejection speaks for itself. Idiot. I don't want to fight anymore. I surrender. It's so much easier to give in - listen to the voice. After all, it's always been there. It never left me, not like everyone else did. The voice and the blade - pretty much my only friends for so long, how could this be any different? I don't even dare to hope. The good times are fooling me anyway, and I always find something bad in them, especially lately. I'll just pick my mind apart to the best of my ability - build the courage to just fucking end it. It's not like anyone would care much. They'd be fine. So far I haven't even been able to off myself. Pathetic. My insecurities are eating me alive. If anything, I'll put an end to this just to get peace from my own fucking insecurity. And the moods, God. And the pain and destruction I'm inflicting on everyone - especially the ones I love. They'll be better off when I'm not there to slowly destroy them. When I'm not causing them to drown with me. I know I can't be fixed, and so I'm also being told all the time. I have to learn to live with this. No fucking way. There's no way in hell I'm going to stay alive if I have to deal with this for years and years and years. I'm done. I'm so fucking done.