5 months approximately. That's how long the peace lasted. Part because I was home and I would never expose my mother to this part of me (not intentionally) and part because I had no cues to push me. For the summer all I do is work and sleep. No firends or activities to push me to feel the way I do. I hate being bored and the loser who does nothing but sit at homebut here at school everything about my failures comes speeding head on. I'm surrounded by girls who will be all over me when they are uninhibited but when they are sober, it was all a drunken mistake and I don't want that. Maybe I should make myself as ugly as I can then they won't even bother when they are drunk. Anyways. 8 new small cuts on my shoulder and 1 very large and deep one down my bicep. I know some have seen it and while some have been startled, others ignore it and say nothing.