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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Jan 2, 2012.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Today my mind is all over the place. Confused. I know I've been having a rough time and I'm sorry that I've posted so much. I don't know if I'm better out of here or not. I feel bad when I cannot support others in a fashion that I would like.

    These thoughts are still swirling. I'm not planning on doing anything at this time unless something impulsive happens, so am not sure why I'm posting here.

    Am about to get my meds refilled, and have extras right now too - I know its not the foolproof way. I know its foolish. I feel like I need an out. Somehow.

    I feel in many ways like I'm just waiting for the worst to happen. I'm trying not to be that way, but it seems I default to that behavior.

    I still have these intense odd feelings that I had last week, something is off within me, but I can't identify what/why etc. I have tried to sleep & nap to avoid all of this. I really don't know. Its all a bit of a mess, I'm all a bit of a mess. I know only I can get the answers I need, and only I can find out what questions need answered internally.

    I just don't know where to start. I feel like a cartoon being with all these stars swirling around outside my head, but they all have thoughts & events and I don't know where to start processing or how. It feels too much, it all feels overwhelming.

    I wish this would stop. I wish I could be in better control of myself and the circumstances and be able to manage better. I feel like I'm losing it, that makes me uncomfortable.

    Is there a point we pass where any options seem viable?
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun somedays i feel same way just not able to cope with all the thoughts i do hope you keep safe hun give your meds to someone to look after if you feel you may use them wrong

    Options well there is only one responsible one and that is getting some help until we can cope You post as many times as you need to hun okay it helps to let some of those thought out hugs
     
  3. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I agree with TC Mo..
    I'm not good with the advice at the moment but you are a wonderful, caring person and I'm sorry you're in such pain
    :hug:
     
  4. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I am trying. I feel like I'm right back to where I was 12 months ago. I feel less able to cope. I feel like I'm letting people down. I feel defeated, so defeated. I don't know what to do to get back on track. It seems pointless trying, unfortunately.
     
  5. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi Mo,

    Sending big hugs to you for all the rocky times you have been having. Honestly, I think you are going about seeking support here the right way. My hope is that we are providing enough input for you to process. It is understandable when you post...your feelings sound intense, and I don't know what all you are dealing with....at the very least here is a safe place for you to rant. Know that I will be thinking kind thoughts for you, as usual....take care and please stay safe. :hug:

    Alex
     
  6. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    (((((Mo))))) I'm sorry that I'm just seeing this post. Honey went back to work today, so I'll have more SF time. First, you've been there to support so many of us in the past (including me), it's more than OK to allow yourself to be on the receiving end of that support when you need it. SF is a better place with you in it in any capacity, Sweetie. I know this post was a couple of days ago, so I hope that you managed to push through the worst of it without harming yourself. No matter what, you have my unconditional support and friendship, Sweet Friend. Sending love, hugs and friendship...T :console:
     
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Mo,
    You need to call your shrink and get an emergency appointment..Talk to him about skyzophrenia meds..It doesn't mean your skyzo but some of the effects help clear your mind..I take them to help clear mine..I hate to see you suffering.. You know I am here for you..Keep posting here.. Your doing the right thing so we can support you.,.Don't ever think your a burden, You have alot of friends here..Hugs, Joseph
     
  8. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Today started out better than recent ones. Okay, I thought, it'll be ok.

    This afternoon has been a complete nightmare. I hate how those we love can hurt us so much.

    I hate this, my mind, my fragility, my complete lack of self worth, of having a clue about my future.
     
  9. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I offer hugs and an ear if you wish it, my friend.
     
  10. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Dear fellow friend,

    I think a positive during this troubling time is that you are aware....you recognize the need to let people know how you are feeling. I am glad you are doing your best to be honest and take in all the support around you....I know it's tough. Way to go, and I hope the hard work pays off soon so you start feeling better in the long run. In the meantime, I have nothing to offer you but lots and lots of supportive hugs....You are in my thoughts, as always. :hugtackles:

    Alex
     
  11. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Friends - if I may call you that -

    THANK YOU, most sincerely for your support recently. I see it and acknowledge it, yet it doesn't sink in, if that makes sense.

    You are very special people, and I am sorry to be quite so needy at this time and for some time now too. You all deserve much happiness in your lives, peace and joy and I hope that will come to you all.

    Take care of yourselves.
     
  12. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    I do understand.
    It is OK to be needy, and this is your thread after all.

    How are you feeling now?
     
  13. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    Mo, there's time to talk
     
  14. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm ok, please don't worry. Need some time.

    Thanks
     
  15. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    know we're here for you Mo when you need us as you were for us every time we have needed you.
    time to take care of yourself. *hugs*
     
  16. 41021

    41021 Banned Member

    Sending ((gentle hugs)) your way
     
  17. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I hope you are managing okay....The best to you. :hug:
     
  18. ZasuArt

    ZasuArt Well-Known Member

    Sending love, hugs, friendship and postive, healthy energy, Mo... :console:
     
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