Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Apr 26, 2012.
I don't fucking know. Is that clear enough? How or when.
... well at least there are some unknowns to learn about.
Questions people ask me. Make sense now?
Questions I ask myself. Can I and would I and will I end my existence?
Out of sorts today. And of course it may not make sense, for me to make sense, because half the time I don't understand myself nor this life.
What was helping was something this week. Its done, over. Now I can return to my self centered bullshit ways.
I'm so close tonight. If I get admitted, then what? If I'm not here altogether, then what? Not for people, but for the four legged ones around here. Family that I'm not that close with anyhow will be okay. Some friends from here will be okay, I have faith that those who have been so empathetic to me will make it. I have faith in you.
I'm tired. Tired of repeating myself. Tired of wanting to feel a different type of pain. Tired of the ups and downs. Thinking I'm getting somewhere and then falling backwards again.
Employment feels like too much. What I want to do feels like too much. What other options do I have?
I hate me, especially me being like this.
Please be safe my friend, I know you must feel like you are stuck emotionally but you will start to move again, the pain will dull and things will improve.
Mo i can hear how overwhelmed you are
be gentle with yourself for your emotions are raw from grief
If you think you need to go to hospital then please do, so you are safe.
your loved ones, friends, acquaintances will all be touched by your loss more than you can comprehend
I understand the getting somewhere and then falling backwards again
grief does that...
wish I could ease your pain :console:
Sometimes it's our own lives that are out of balance.... What I mean by that, is, we may be fine...but everything else in our lives may be screwed up.. For instance, our health is pretty good--we're alright; but those around us are not. Whether they be friends or family members; coworkers, neighbors, etc. Often it's the others in our lives that are a mess, but we just don't recognize it! ...Or circumstances, things in our life can be a wreck, this is going wrong here that's all bad there, I can't fix this nor figure out that, but guess what? You're still okay! So just do your best to stress a little bit less. You owe yourself that! But I have a big mouth, and have probably not the slightest clue what to do, otherwise why would I, after all, be here?
I pray you'll have the patience to outlast the deep pain.
It's not a hell of lot of fun, but every once in a while, there'll be something good. somebody will notice you, help you remember how to smile. I don't think anything will ever offset the pain, but then we're all walking wounded. Sometimes you might even find someone who'll help if you'll let them. Who'll be injured more if you don't let them help. Yes they could accumulate a few new scars on the way. Sometimes doing nothing leaves an even deeper scar.
Crazy old life we got here
Mo... I am so sorry that the pain is so bad right now & hurting you so much. Its not fair what has happened, its not right that your partner was taken so early from you & that you were both cheated out of spending many many years together. It is awful I know but please know you are not alone. You need time to heal ok... talk, shout moan, cry... its ok to feel... get it all out. Is there someone you can call to spend some time with you? Or ring saneline... what would your partner want for you? I am sure she would want the very best for you & not want you to hurt yourself?
!so sorry maybe I am speaking out of turn & typing this on my phone is tricky but you are lovely, amazing you have been through so..ooo...ooo much PLEASE PLEASE GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK... ok...please don't hurt yourself... sending you gentle hugs... Really hope you're ok today. You deserve TLC take care xx
right now, I think my partner would not be impressed with my behavior whatsoever. no, I don't think - I KNOW.
but thank you everyone.
Your behaviour does not matter; what does is that you do not act on any impulses or thoughts you have at this time.
Join in the:hamtaro: dance with me ^^