Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Kiba, Jul 25, 2012.

  1. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    does it matter.. at all..
  2. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    wud u like to expand on that? i for example am here to listen if u feel the need.
  3. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    does it matter.. if im here.. or am I merely a pest.. or does it matter.. if my friend is falling apart.. Does it matter.. that I feel so sick and hollow.. and lifeless.. does it matter.. if we are all going to die anyway.. I can't keep piling this stuff on.. I am so numb and half conscious.. nothing feels real.. at all.. but does it matter.. if it is real or not..
  4. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    for one thing, i think your life does matter. from this, u sound very depressed, i rly hope that's going to pass. is there a way to help that friend? also, i'm sure there are people who care for u, and would be sad if u suddenly weren't here anymore. i really wish the best for u aswell. is there any way i could help u?
  5. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    No.. I'm sorry.. I don't think anyone can help..

    -My friend has arthritis.. The doctor told her she shouldn't work.. She referred her to a specialist.. she may have a rare form of arthritis called ciratic arthritis.. She is loosing a lot of strength fairly quickly..

    -My friend is trying to get on disability income for her PTSD because getting the confirmation of her arthritis would take a long time..

    -I've been traveling (with my friend) on the streets since March.. and I am still technically homeless.. I am living in a garage that we are allowed to stay in as long as we pay $250 a month..

    -I've tried 2 different other friends as far as trying to get a place with them.. And all it has created is a state traveling tag game..

    -I can't go back to the place I was living.. By the end of the year they plan to raise the rent to $500 and I can't afford that.. On top of simply visiting there my friend and i weren't greeted with great welcoming.. The manager for some reason hates us.. but same time liked us.. I don't understand..

    -My SSI benefits are on the line atm because I have been traveling around with a few diff addresses.. But I went to get it fixed today.. and as long as I get this paperwork in the mail I just have to hope it will be alright..

    -My Medical insurance got changed.. actually because I turned 21.. And because of that I haven't been able to see any doctors or therapists at all this year.. and I submitted an application for benefits but if it doesn't go thru today I may not have any at all..

    -I got the paperwork today to fix my food stamps.. and my friends are going to be delayed but I guess at least it's OK for now..

    -I was stupid this month and used over $100 on an online game that is free.. because it is all that has kept me sane..

    -I do have access to a desktop that I was given.. but my netbook is broken again.. and I have to take it in for repairs..

    -Because I spent my money on the game and I decided not to use $300 of my money, because I wanted to save it for a deposit, we are broke now and low on food.. I know we will survive but.. it's stressful..

    -I've lost 3 friends and a pet who was living at my parents so far this year.. And my friend lost her cat..

    -My allergies to sulfates and other preservative have worsened.. and it stresses me because I know if I end up taking something with sulfates I may not have a way back.. because epi-pens also contain sulfates.. And I have had anaphylactic attacks from it..

    -My youngest bro who is still living at home.. I'm worried he will follow a similar path to me..

    -I'm having trouble being able to live in this garage anymore.. esp. because it's actually my bio parents garage.. and they have changed some but the little mind games and PTSD aren't of much help..

    -I'm having trouble going places alone.. the anxiety is getting bad..

    -I've been having muscle spam problems in my legs, arms and back of my neck.. but I think its stress..

    And that's simply what I can really remember right now.. But I know I'm prob missing some things.. It's all just piling up.. I can't be there.. for anyone.. I feel guilty and hollow.. alone.. and I hate myself.. And all I want to do is harm myself and make myself scream with pain.. but I know I am too afraid of pain to really inflict something so terrible.. and so all I can feel is half conscious.. and hollow..
  6. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    that sounds like a whole lot of stuff for a 21-year-old. i myself am almost 19 and i cudnt rly imagine all that at the same time. as your brother is living with your parents, im guessing there is some reason why u can't.. are u sure that can't be worked out? and, i'm really sorry about your friend, that sounds really serious, i hope she's gonna be okay, at least she has you by her side. there are indeed very many things that need to be adressed.. for a start, can u maybe think of things to help u relax? that might help your anxiety and stress. as for financial problems, maybe there are some centers/support facilities you could get help from? or maybe other relatives besides your parents? and it's good that u're afraid of harming yourself very seriously, i'm the same as well, i'm really glad about that because that means u're safe at least to some extent. i really wish there was more i could do to help u, but i'm here to listen.

    i rly hope things are gonna get better, that's really a lot to deal with, *sends hugs*
  7. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I'm currently in my bio parents garage.. I just.. It's hard to explain and there's reasons I can't handle it here well.. There are reasons why I was place in foster care when I was 16 and taken from here.. and I feel like my parents are in some ways better.. but the mind games they play are still affecting my brother..

    I've tried getting help from diff organizations.. but they won't work with both my friend and I.. they only work on individual basis.. and I also have a dog.. whom they wont work with.. and a lot of problems and things in this world that are hard for me to handle because of my past.. PTSD.. or anxieties.. and I cannot handle shelters.. or anything like a group home..

    All of my relatives aren't very receptive of me.. I don't know how to explain.. but it just doesn't work.. Only my brothers tend to feel a connection to me.. because I raised them half their lives..
  8. truthhurts

    truthhurts Well-Known Member

    life rly is unfair isn't it.. i hope gradually things are going to get better for u. i'm glad u're close to your brothers tho. and as a minor detail, i've also been having slight spasms, in my upper lip's right side, and i researched about it a little, and yes the most likely cause is stress, so that shouldn't be serious [one positive thing hehe]. also, if organizations like that don't work for u, aren't there maybe some kind of funds or things that u cud ask financial support from? sry tho cuz i don't kno much about those kinds of things. hope ur domestic situation is gonna get better as well.

    best best best wishes from eiji-sama~