For weeks I had planned that last night at 2:00am I would commit suicide (attempt #3). Three's the charm, right? I was talking to C about any last minute thoughts and for whatever reason one of them was that my period was two weeks late. I have no fucking clue why that came to mind. So then it clicked- possible pregnancy. The problem now was that it was 1:50am and I was due to head over to where I had to go in about ten minutes. C convinced me to take a pregnancy test. In fact, I did two. When 2:00am came around I realized I had to wait until the results were ready because it would be beyond me to kill something along with myself. It took C well over twenty minutes just to convince me to look at the test results. I knew I'd eventually have to, and then there it was. Both of them. Positive. The baby of course would be a result of rape, just as my first baby had been. So now here I am, eighteen years old, my daughter Gaby is five years old, and now I'm pregnant with a second child. At first you could even say I was almost slightly content to hear the news. I personally would never go through with an abortion, so that was out of the question. This morning I headed over to the hospital and did a qualitative hGG blood test and surely enough, I'm definitely pregnant. After dwelling about this all morning I'm now having mixed emotions and second thoughts. Part of me wants to keep the baby and give little Gaby a sibling, and part of me wants to put it up for adoption and continue with my plans to end my pains indefinitely. Any advice?