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a baby and second thoughts *trig*

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by candy15, Jun 9, 2008.

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  1. candy15

    candy15 Active Member

    For weeks I had planned that last night at 2:00am I would commit suicide (attempt #3). Three's the charm, right? I was talking to C about any last minute thoughts and for whatever reason one of them was that my period was two weeks late. I have no fucking clue why that came to mind. So then it clicked- possible pregnancy. The problem now was that it was 1:50am and I was due to head over to where I had to go in about ten minutes. C convinced me to take a pregnancy test. In fact, I did two. When 2:00am came around I realized I had to wait until the results were ready because it would be beyond me to kill something along with myself. It took C well over twenty minutes just to convince me to look at the test results. I knew I'd eventually have to, and then there it was. Both of them. Positive.

    The baby of course would be a result of rape, just as my first baby had been. So now here I am, eighteen years old, my daughter Gaby is five years old, and now I'm pregnant with a second child. At first you could even say I was almost slightly content to hear the news. I personally would never go through with an abortion, so that was out of the question. This morning I headed over to the hospital and did a qualitative hGG blood test and surely enough, I'm definitely pregnant. After dwelling about this all morning I'm now having mixed emotions and second thoughts. Part of me wants to keep the baby and give little Gaby a sibling, and part of me wants to put it up for adoption and continue with my plans to end my pains indefinitely.

    Any advice?
  2. amicrazy

    amicrazy Well-Known Member

    i sorry to hear about all you've been through, but you have to stick around for Gaby. If anything were to happen to you, what would the rest of her life be like? You realized you were late at that moment for a reason. And I'm sure Gaby would love a new baby brother or sister. Instead of the end, look at this as a new beginning. Good luck!
  3. candy15

    candy15 Active Member

    I went to the hospital this morning and got a qualitative hGG blood test to confirm my pregnancy.
    It was positive. ​
    This is really happening. Now what?
  4. Candy... do we know each other?
  5. candy15

    candy15 Active Member

    um thats a very vague question?
  6. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    damn..second rape.. i'm really really sorry..

    okie i'm not an expert and what i will say might sound like crap but..

    .. are oyu around a dangerous enviroment
    does your daughter live with you???

    if the answer of both or only the first is ysh..
    move from wherever you are!!!
    far from the ones tha thave harmed you to start over again

    [btw the desition that you made is really really brave.. of not ending the babies life]

    ,,.. it seems that if you keep that baby.. sounds like a second chance to you
    maybe its that way
    you could start a family with both babies.. away from any harmful envioroment
    and even you feel like giving to adoption [which would be okie if you feel like you won't be able to take care of two babies at the same time.. which is also a smart desition as long as you taje care the family that keeps the baby is a good one]
    but.. the feeling of leving your baby behind.. might damage you... and might make you feel more suicidal.. which is not good..
    so i'm really not sure
    ... not an advice,,,but what "sounds" the best for me.. is keeping the baby and start a new life.. away from whatever that has caused you pain..

    and good luck in whatever desition you have made
    you are young
    and i'm sorry you have to take such important desition and have lived throw lots of things

    but from all bad things.. it always come one good thing
    so maybe this is the good thing?
  7. theleastofthese

    theleastofthese SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I hope you don't decide to end your life. :hug:
  8. candy15

    candy15 Active Member

    thank you LSD for your advice :hug:
    while I'm at the program Gaby will be able to visit me three times a week and she'll be staying with Katie (she's lived with us her whole life). the program understands that I already have a daughter and I'm sure things will work out. After that I'll be moving to Philadelphia :smile: Thanks again!
  9. LSD

    LSD Well-Known Member

    thanks so nice to hear :'D
    i'm sure things will get better *thinks possitive so possitive things will happen*
    *hug hug*

    gaby and the future baby are so damn lucky for having a mommy like you.. x3

    take care~! <3
  10. Christianv2

    Christianv2 Well-Known Member

    I cant post and pretend to know the pain and agony that you are going through, I only hope that here on SF you get some solace that helps you pull through for your 1st and 2nd child. I really hope it works out in the end for you, as always, everybody is here for ya.

    Good luck,
  11. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    Seems like you are more sure of yourself now than before.
    Soon you will have two little people in your life who will need you, not just for the first 18 years of their own lives but forever. Through them and together you will find happiness in life.
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