A beginning.....

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by StayStrongAlways, Dec 3, 2010.

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  1. StayStrongAlways

    StayStrongAlways New Member

    Hi, my name is Rob, i'm new to this site, and am here for many reasons. At the moment, and for as long as I can remember, I have been down. I'm not suicidal, but I feel that by sharing my feelings and life here, and maybe help others who need support, I can make myself feel better, and become a better person.

    My life was turned upside down 9 years ago, when my sister commited suicide at the age of 23 and I found her after coming home from school. At the time, being a 13 year old the shock of the situation didnt allow for me to understand what had really gone one, but even since then life has been difficult. My two remaining sisters tried numerous times to commit suicide and luckily are still with us and doing a lot better but my mum has never come close to dealing with what happened, in the space of nine years she must have been sectioned and placed into mental health hospitals seven or eight times, she has been diagnosed with Bi-Polar but I believe she still cant deal with the grief of what happened. I love her with all my heart, and always will, but is no longer the person she used to be. It tears me up insidde seeing her fall apart in front of me and what remains is less than a shadow of her previous self.

    Obviously my life has been difficult but since then I have gone to college and university, travelled for a while, but nothing seems to help me feel better. I worry constantly about my family, my freinds and basically everything else and its reall begininng to take a toll on me. I seem to feel nothing but sadness and regret all the time and I sometimes dont see the point in anything anymore. Things have got worse over the previous few months, I have fallen in love with my freinds girlfriend and that has become just another thing to weigh on my mind. I havent told her how I feel and probably never will, I know I will regret it but she probably doesnt even like me, its iroic really that the one nice feeling in my life is based around one of my freinds girlfreind. That said, I am glad to feel something other than sadness and despair for once. As well as that my mum has been sectioned again and now I have to travel an hour everyday to see her as well as work for eight and a half hours.

    I understand the thoughts and depression that lead up to suicide and self-harm as I have lived with it all my adult life, sometimes I used to be angry with my sister for what she did but the way I feel now I can see why she did it, I feel now that there is no point to anything and i'm sure that if it wasnt for my dad I would have been dead for years now. Somedays I wake up and a darkness overcomes me, i'm sad, reclusive and I want nothing more than to see it all end.

    I came to this site to share my feelings with others and hopefully put my bad experiences to use by trying to help others in need.
     
  2. aki

    aki Well-Known Member

    Hello, I'm so sorry about your family's troubles and the pain you've been through. I hope this forum helps, also have you ever tried therapy or counselling as it could really help you deal with things. Take care, I hope things get better for you.
     
  3. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Hi
    I hope you get what you need from sf
     
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi it is hard for one to stay strong always as you name says. I am sorry your mother has suffered so much Of course suicide of a family member will take so many lifes emotionally with it My bro did the same and i try to tell people it is like a cancer inside the sadness eats away at us slowly One never recovers really one move forward one pushed through the pain but it is tiring.
    I hope for you that you do have councelling for not only your grief but for the trauma you lived through. Keep posting okay it helps but please see a professional so you can get on meds and get therapy so the depression you are feeling will be more controllable I am so sorry for your loss and your family suffering please take care of you please
     
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