A Big step, I think..

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by UnitExtant, Nov 22, 2009.

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  1. UnitExtant

    UnitExtant Active Member

    Well for the past few years my family went through a lot of problems because of my father's inability to listen to anybody's ideas and thoughts.. I was 13 and extremely unstable, and for the past 3 years I've been forced to develop "fake" emotions so my friends don't flip out.. when i was younger i wanted to just give up and die and i tried to commit suicide secretly by walking into the woods once and cutting myself..but my only motivation to stay alive is to prove my father wrong about myself..Or maybe find a way to impress my father.. I taught myself how to play sports and be intelligent but yet it's as if he doesn't care. In my entire life I've received no words of good job or congratulations on my "achievements". If i mess up i get yelled at.. If i do a good job i get ignored..My older sister was always told good job and praised until i was 13 and she refused to stop dating a guy she loved.

    As we speak i joined this forum over a year ago and it's taken me an entire year to get the courage to actually interact.. Every week i deal with the thoughts of why and how? and i'm emotionally driven to die, but i know if i did that my father would look on me with disgust.. I'm too stubborn to open to others, yet for some reason others come to me for emotional support.. what am i to do? how can i end the suffering.. I know if i try to talk to my dad he'll laugh at me.. i already tried once and that was a huge failure..
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2009
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi and welcome...no matter how long it took you to post, you did do it...how brave! Is there any one you can talk to other than your father? He does not sound like the best candidate to provide help...please keep posting here and PM me if I can be of any help...J
     
  3. UnitExtant

    UnitExtant Active Member

    That's where i can't do it.. I feel safer and more comfortable with people i can't physically see.. and my entire family is like my father..Yeah i'm glad they've put me into situations that have made me smarter and have an advantage over some people in certain situations.. but at the same time they've destroyed me mentally and emotionally..my sister had a journal with her emotions in it and they showed me it and laughed about it.. that's why I would rather talk here than with my family.. and as for friends none of them know about any of this..what should i do?
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Maybe you can practice here what you would say in RL and then find someone you can trust to talk to...we are here and many of us have felt as you do...big hugs, J
     
  5. UnitExtant

    UnitExtant Active Member

    I'll take it into consideration.. thanks for the words of encouragement. You're more supportive than anybody i know in RL
     
  6. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    And rather charming in cyber...quite a lady dog in RL...lol
     
  7. UnitExtant

    UnitExtant Active Member

    lol, well good night and take care.
     
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It hard when parents make fun of your feelings My did the same it hurt so much I am glad you can share your feelings here. Everyone is compassionate and understanding NO one judges you here. I hope in time as well you can reach out to councillor or teacher or lay minister just to talk to. Sometimes Good Samaritans or crisis people are good to talk to as well Glad you were brave enough to open up here keep posting okay as it does help decrease the pain.
     
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