I'm going to be 22. 22! I feel old and worn out. August 2008, best time of my life. 2am laying in the middle of an empty parking lot at Stinson beach with 2 great friends and my boyfriend. Us laying together staring up at the sky watching the meteor shower talking about nonsense. Life seemed to sit still. I was truly happy. If everyday could feel the way it did for those 2 hours, I would be happy. Bliss. Life is caving in on me and I just can't fight anymore. 02/01/2009, the day it will all end. I wish I could tell someone how I really feel. I just can't stop pretending to be happy. The hugs feel empty. The laughter feels forced. The kisses are emotionless. I just need a hug. I need someone, anyone to hug me and tell me that they respect me and I matter. I need to be told I'm loved. Not the quick "I love you, Goodbye." I get on the phone. I need someone to squeeze me tight, look me in the eyes and tell me they love me. I want to feel respected, appreciated and loved. I lay in bed and cry myself to sleep. I wake up every morning sick to my stomach. I fake a smile every time I see someone. I know February is a ways away but I wanted to spend some quality time with my family, friends and boyfriend to create some good memories. I want to know that I made them happy. I want to feel loved.