A bit too close, may trigger...

[Sycotic_Sarah]

Wow, erm, last night was a close one. I drank a bit too much, a bottle of wine, I get intoxicated just over half a bottle which is a 9%, let alone a bottle which is 12.5%. Anyway... I drank it, yeah, drank more, and more... until none left. I was so close from killing myself. I was seriously considering it. At first, I was all cheerful, etc, then I started getting really emotional and upset, suicidal, low, so I considered it... I actually was considering it... Next time, I could go one step further and do it.

One thing is for sure, these feelings, thoughts, they are spiraling slowly out of control. Though I am on tablets to control my behaviour, they don't seem to be effecting anything but my anger. The tablets are supposed to calm me, reduce stress I'm under, the levels that is, and make me more calmer I guess... I think it's working on the calming part, but I feel worse than before now. I actually want to drink down so many units of alcohol, and actually killing myself... The hangover I have isn't putting me off, nothing is... Not anymore. I feel completely hopeless... Sad... Depressed... But most of all, suicidal.

I feel like I'm loosing my mind... I feel like I'm loosing the battle I have to fight everyday... I feel like I'm about to fall down, and not get back up again...

 

[rd9671]

I don't know you well at all, and I don't drink so maybe I am way out of line for replying to your thread, I am sorry if that is the case.

We all know that alcohol is a depressant and is counterproductive to recovery, so my first suggestion is to try to stop drinking, maybe a 12 step program would be helpful for you. In the same respect, it could maybe help you deal with some of the other issues that are going on as well.

I do know about the wanting to hurt yourself though, I go through that frequently myself, and it is a difficult place to get out of, and the alcohol doesn't really help that situation. If I am out of line in or way off base I am sorry, just my thoughts. If I can do anything for you feel free to ask anytime.

 

[liveinhope]

I can relate to your thoughts and its a terrible place to be, i to think alcohol can make things worse as they are a depressant but they can interact with your tablets and make you feel worse im not preaching to you becouse sometimes alcohol may seem like a release for a while i to have done that but it doesnt work becouse the more you drink the worse you feel and it is easier to loose the ability to keep up the battle and head towards suicide, i know that to ive been there. What i would say is if you are going to have a drink try not to do it alone becouse if you do feel worse there will be somebody with you im sorry your feeling so bad right now

 

[Sycotic_Sarah]

*shrugs*

I'm feeling very low right now.

I know where she hid the tablets... and the alcohol...

maybe this could be it?

 

[gentlelady]

I can only echo what the others have said about alcohol Sarah. It will only bring you down further. You don't need that. Talk to your doctor about what the meds are doing. Maybe an adjustment needs to be made. As always, Take care Sarah. :hug:

 

[ace]

*shrugs*

I'm feeling very low right now.

I know where she hid the tablets... and the alcohol...

maybe this could be it?

Sarah please don't do aything PLEASE I beg you:sad,Can you tell your Dr about the med's and what they're doing?I know you're suffering and have been for so long,but PLEASE don't give in PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!:sad:

 

[kath]

Hi Sarah,

i know its hard when your hitting real lows and really really seriously contemplating it.Please try and stay safe and be careful.Wouldnt ever wanna lose you hun!!Hugs.Oh and i aint lecturing - i mess my life up so much i wouldnt dare tell you what to do or what not to do but please be careful with the alcohol too as i guess there must be some reasons why you drink,something positive you get from it maybe but im also guessing cos you sound like a sensible and intelligent person to me that deep down you may know that it might not always be the best thing for your situation too sometimes even though it may be hard to resist.Please just be careful.

Take care
kath

 

[Sycotic_Sarah]

Think alcohol is becoming another addiction. Got pissed again last night. My best fucking friend did too, because I did. He said 'whatever you do, I'll do it too, if you cut, I cut, you drink, I drink, you die, I die'. So now I can't fucking kill myself or he will too. I can't cut or he will too. I can't drink or he will too, again.

Drank twice in three days. Charming. :l

*sigh*

I just want to give in now. I'm sick of fighting...

 

[gentlelady]

Don't give up Sarah. Your friend obviously cares a great deal about you to tell you he does what you do. There are many people that do care. You can make it through. Just keep on keepin' on. :hug:

 

[Sycotic_Sarah]

*sigh* I really want to die though!!!