Today I saw a box of pills on my table today, it reminded me of when I overdosed around a year ago. I kind of looked back and thought why I overdosed. The feeling, emotions and reasoning behind why I did it. I still think I have those same feelings, since I was thinking in my head when I saw those pills, why not end it now? I wish I had the attitude to live for tomorrow. But inside I am still depressed whether I show that to others, I probably don't, I have always hid it; so people I know don't even know I am depressed. I have always found it embarrassing to talk about my problems, but I don't mind hearing others as it gives me perspective. At least with this forum, I can talk about my problems without it really effecting me in the real world. That probably doesn't make sense, but ... But those box of pills kind of brought it all back and made me think that I was purely just living a lie,- as I am not happy. But boo hoo, others have bigger problems. I just hope when I have to do the mandatory military service in this country to become a citizen, I can move past the past and onto the future. Though that doesn't go to say, I don't have worries for the future neither.