A bunch of crap that doesn't matter

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Sep 29, 2015.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I vary between feeling ok and feeling utterly hopeless. I went to therapy, I thought that would help, it was fine but the group therapy was what really helped. Then the therapist put it on hiatus because he wants more people to join. I thought I was close friends with the women I had met there, we did things together, slowly they started pulling away and I don't hear from them anymore. So I lost the only contacts I had offline. I try to make connections with people but it doesn't work. Old friends don't want to reconnect, which feels like a rejection. New people don't want to get to know me, which is another type of rejection. So either way I am still alone. I seem to attract men who treat me like a piece of meat and don't care how they make me feel. I just want to be loved by someone for once in my life. I seem to be willing to put up with more crap than I deserve, just so that I won't be alone. My sister started hearing voices, so they put her on enough meds to make her like a vegetable. So I have to worry about her on top of a million other things. The stress and pain never stops, and I just can't take it anymore. I just want to check out because that would seem much easier at this point.
     
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Witty :hug: I am sorry that you feel so alone. I understand it must be painful that people you developed a bond with have drifted away - unfortunately I think that just happens when you stop sharing a common "thing" - event/space/job/school/whatever and especially when its people from therapy as inevitably those are the people that also struggle to maintain relationships and be sociable. It is not a reflection on you.

    A lot of people claim that in order to attract people who won't treat you badly, you have to start with your own self worth. Build up you self esteem. I don't know if that is true - maybe it is - not actually got there myself yet. But perhaps it is a goal.
     
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    It is hard for me to build on my self esteem....some days I feel like I have none at all. I have been treated poorly for so long that I started to just accept it. I am used to it by now and it is hard to tell people to stop hurting me. I feel like I deserve it somehow. I know I should learn to be happy on my own, but then the thoughts come in. I can't be on my own for too long or it affects me in a bad way. I wish I wasn't such a mess, and sometimes it seems easier to give up than to fix so much that has gone wrong.
     
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    You need to figure out some constructive things that you can do for your self esteem - just trying to think differently is a losing battle for everyone. If you can do real, constructive things it helps a lot more. A while ago you were talking about trying to find a job and you applied for a couple but then seemed to stop - maybe you can pick that up again? Working keeps you busy, gets you around other people and is great for self esteem. Also doing healthy things for your body can help - maybe join a yoga class or something? Good for the mind and body and again, gets you around people.

    I try to remind myself that when I have made friends in the past - real friends - it has taken me 6 - 12 months of being around that person several times a week for a friendship to "stick". Most often that is at work. Apart from old school friends, all my real life friends are from working with those people every single day. If you only see someone once a week (for example) expect it to take months and months and months before you are even casual friends. That isn't strange and it isn't that there is anything wrong with you (or wrong with them or that they are treating you badly) it is just the way it all works, in my experience. So find some things you like to do (Yoga, writing night class, job, volunteer) and stick at it. Don't have too high expectations of other people and let things happen naturally :)
     
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Writer, Musician, Fun Lover, Magic Maker

    I'll admit I have been slacking in doing anything productive with my life. I need to get out and look for work and hopefully find something. I know it will keep my mind off things and maybe I can make more friends. I could get out and exercise more too. I know that would be good for my mind and body.

    I'm trying not to stress too much about losing friends, because I can always get to know more people. I have been receiving great advice from people about my love life, friendship, and other aspects of life. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my post. You have been very helpful :)
     
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