a call for help

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by nmarques, Mar 27, 2010.

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  1. nmarques

    nmarques Member

    It's 03:04 AM and I'm sitting around on a saturday night bleeding from my injuries. There is no comfort for such injuries and "suicide" has become a more frequent thought. I've runned into this forum once and it did helped, I did moved to my doctor and asked for help, got a huge battalion of pills. They do help, but make me a zombie.

    I feel alone, I can't fight this anymore. Considering my military history, I would probably tag along as a mercenary for Blackware, Xe or any other company like that... see the world, shoot a rifle for some money and eventually fall in combat. That appears to be a useful way out of this. The country's economy is anihilated, life is hard... criminality rates are being rocketed into astonishing values... Taxes are to be increased and wage raises frozen. My higher formation comes from two fields, Economy/Management and Psychology/Behaviour Sciences. The more educated I am, the more I hate the world and people in general. I just feel like going to the street and beat up everyone. I guess people have their own ways to relief stress and put their stuff out in a certain way... I believe my way is beating up people. I've never done it, but I'm being very fond of such idea.

    I dont know anymore, but I think I'm loosing it, becoming a looney... I should be better than this, my IQ is supposed to be higher than most people, I am supposed to have a gift, but it might be also my destruction.

    While I was in the military I belonged to special unit that was made for a single purpose, infiltration and extraction of friendly pilots in enemy territory (Air Force RESCOM, usually known internationally as CSAR). I have a huge spirit for self sacrifice in order to help others and so far, it has only been prejudicial to me, in fact some people point on me as a bad thing this "martyr" feelings.

    I don't know what to say or what to tell, I only know that I'm starting to fail in all aspects. I can no longer control my sleep cycle, I eat one meal every day, and though I feel hungry, the food just seems to choke me.

    I need a friend to talk to... for sure... I'm leaving my email address for those who want to add me to MSN (nmarques@live.com.pt) and if anyone wants to share a word once in a while, I would be pleased to talk to someone once in a while.

    I don't know what to say, I'm just bored and whenever I feel I've hitted rock bottom, I find out that I can still get lower than that. I've lost track of my life since I realized I've lost honor. I'm trying to survive because I don't want to get pain into my parents as they buried already a son, burying another one wouldn't be nice I suppose for them, that's the only thing that keeps me from taking a battalion of pills and a bottle of James Martin's and shutdown forever. For two weeks I wake up dizzy, and it never goes away. I believe this might be from not eating enough... The other day I bumped against the sidewalk and I'm starting to loose faith on everything. Sometimes it would be so easy to hit 200km/hour on the highway and just turn right on a swift pull and end it all.

    I'm tired of all of this, I don't want to disengage life, but the way as it is to me, it's too much pain every day.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Loneliness is the worst thing. You had such an impt position in the army you had comrades and to go from that to no one it must be so hard. Is there no way of keeping in contact with some of your army friends meeting up with them
    I know there is a vet line you can call just to call and talk and get help Coming here helps me aleve some of my loneliness I hope posting here helped you. Take care okay keep reaching out here talking okay this is a good place to just release the loneliness and sadness with words. take care
  3. rvsaraiva

    rvsaraiva Member

    Hey man! hang on over there!

    R u from Portugal? so am I! i can relate a lot to what you say and feel! the economy of outr country is taking a toll on us! If you want to chat a bit more send me a pm or something. Não estás sozinho neste tortuoso caminho.

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