A Catch 22

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by killaunloved, Aug 13, 2009.

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  1. killaunloved

    killaunloved Member

    I seem to be in the worst catch 22. I have had unbearable anxiety all my life and it has caused irreperable damage to everything. I mean unbelievable amounts of damage. I mean so much damage that at 20 years old I am completely written off for ever having anything whatsover.

    The problem is that when Im on benzos or sick all my problems go away and I see things clearly. No doctor would ever put me on benzos for the simple fact that they work. I have thought that I have been doing much better the last few months but I overdosed my subuxone so now im going through opiate withdrawal and and i am seeing through clear eyes once again.
    The problem is that when i see clear either on xanax or now I want to killmyself because I see the truth. I realize that there is no way out of my predictament and that not only will I never have friends or a girl. But i will also never go to a place without getting harassed. I cant even be alone at home since Im being watched. I cant do anything and feel okay. There is literally always someone laughing at me. I will admit im afraid of killing myself and I have no idea what to do. Im thinking of doing something that will get me killed. Either stabbing a drug dealer, robbing a drug dealer, or doing something along those lines. And again im just afriad that I wont be killed I will just be severely injured. I am out of options, out of hope, and I dont know what to do.
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    wow I'm sorry you feel that way. I also have severe anxiety since I was little and so I can relate to some of what you say. Anxiety can be physically painful and down right paralysing.

    Have you seen a doctor for that? I take meds and although they dont eliminate the anxiety, it reduces it alot, enough for me to live without that pinching pain in my chest.
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    I know what you mean.. I had a hard time getting put on xanax for my anxiety..My shrink wouldn't give it to me so I got a new regular doctor and he put me on it three times a day.. Before I was always sick because of the anxiety..Now I have leveled off on the xanax and it helps me get thru the day..
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