A change is gonna come...

And come from me it is...

Day 1 of a potential start of a change of approach. To basically start acknowledging that I have to get through each day and "Live like I was dying" (reference the song by Tim McGraw) while my body has the capacity to do so.

With my therapist and me putting together a kind of diary for a routine, hopefully i'll drag myself out of a lethargic "minimal motivation/activity" lull that i've found myself in at present. Yes, I'd consider myself to be lazy and a touch annoyed that I didn't get this dealt with sooner (I really should have considered it before now is what I'm saying.)

But - today I was awake early (try 5.30am) - and only had one coffee between 6-8am. Left the house to catch a bus to the therapist appointment and arrived at the surgery 30 mins early (can never really trust traffic 8-9am here - particularly heading towards town centre). Better early than late.

Spent 1.5 hours nearly at the therapy appointment (a bit longer than the scheduled time, but her next client wasn't there - so I filled a touch of time that I had to waste).

Got a bus back to town to grab a bite to eat before heading to hospital (not venesection this time lol) - for a literacy/numeracy test and an interview. That lasted 15 minutes - and was one of the quickest I've ever been involved in, so I'm not expecting much (although versatility for a catering assistant who can also double up as a kitchen porter would play in my favour slightly).

Then - when I eventually did get back home (around 2/2.30pm) - I was torn between a nap, or just fighting through it. (I suspect the naps may also not help the overnight sleeping pattern being as rough as it has been lately). I gritted my gums (teeth were pulled in 2010 and I've got by since without issue), and soldiered through, having only one more coffee in the entire afternoon/evening. Even going out to play bingo. And here I am 18 hours after waking up - still going. Although I hope I sleep better for all this exercise today!! Slightly achy - but what do I expect in changing the exercise habits? lol.

Building rhythm and routine - may just help me. Although I've got the guidance of a 6-week plan to "tick" as I go (might be part of the reason I enjoyed maths so much at school - because I got a lot of "ticks" on it.

 

Wish you good luck on getting your job and i hope the new routine helps you sleep better hugs

 

Day 2 (Aug 30th)

Not the best nights sleep from day one, even though I believed the change of exercises would help, in actual fact it had what felt like a minimal effect. Went to sleep at 1am - woke up at 4.50am, took 20 mins or so (a whole episode of FRIENDS had played...) to settle back down. Then with an alarm going off around 9am... I just didn't want to get up.

Knew I had to though, so by 9.30 I was up and I had a quick cigarette before having my first dose of caffeine. Really seemed to have no impact so within the time taken to drink that one, another one was being considered. I was booked in (I'd agreed to it) - to babysit my sisters kids for an hour - so I had to be awake enough.

Babysitting was, however, a breeze. Niece was in bed. Nephew was a bit TV active - so I decided to encourage a little bit of times tables instead (Something I'm good at - to see if he would be able to do any of it - and he was not quite getting it at the time, but patience may be needed).

Into the afternoon - I get home and for a couple of hours had varying levels of music playing and singing and guitar/keyboard playing going on. Something other than just being online I put it down to - just to see if I'm overdoing my time online a touch.

Then around 7.45 I had to run a short errand (well - would normally take me 20 mins but I took it a bit slower) - and got back at 8.30, went online for a "half time" break in the football that was on - and then proceeded to sit and watch that... (One screen to another.. :/ )

However - in watching the football - when going for cigs I'd noticed I was feeling the cold a lot more (There was a small breeze - although it wasn't "cold") - so I was shaking. Would it be to do with a drop in iron levels? (mine has come down a fair bit from what it started at). Would it be to do with tiredness? Or would it simply be me paying more attention to surroundings? I don't know - but I have to consider all options as possible for now.

Then - Again I settled down.. around 1am...

Either in 12 or 24 hours - there'll be "today's" instalment.

 

Good luck with the interview. I noticed you said you said something about starting a diary? Is this the diary on here or do you have a personal written one as well? I have decided to start a personal at home diary because it should help with the aimlessly drifting through life phase ive been in for a while, to remember my goals and everything. Also Ive thought about how bad people memories are, it will be good to look back on the progress, to remember exactly where I want to be headed in life and keep me on track with daily tasks and everything.

I think I heard about a study done that about 5% of people write a daily diary, and those 5 percent are a lot more successful(at least financially) than the general population. Im not surprised by this because it can keep one focused and on track.

 

Day 3 - Aug 31st.

Woke up around 9/9.30 - didn't want to get up - and took about 3 hours to fully wake up properly. Coffee and cigarette later (yes - I should refrain from smoking for more than one reason now - but it's a choice I've made for me) - and I had a really lazy morning. Did very little - and couldn't really focus on much. Ended up playing guitar/keyboard/trying to sing.

Rolled into the afternoon and the idea of lasagne was appealing. In the end though - I didn't cook it - so there was very little activity. Just ended up playing phone games and that wasn't really high stimulation. Although not a free one - ended up going out to bingo - but it feels like i've dropped back into the habits I was in.

Ended up going to sleep around 2am.. not really a good idea for me when i'm struggling to sleep and coffee intake is lower...