not that anyone will read and reply to these, but just putting it out there in case something does happen to me... Wall flower It's not that I'm mute You just don't hear my silent screams as I struggle to only fail the exams wondering if a solution is dilute so I sit and watch the down pour of rain wondering if it will wash away the pain life blooms around me as I ponder all the happy faces I see the only one left behind can't keep up with the crowd my troubles no one comprehend it's like I wear an invisible shroud perhaps it's just me to think this is unjust perhaps I just need more time to adjust my skies are constantly cloudy and dark my life won't ever leave a mark author's explanations: I wrote this (wall flower) because I didn't have any friends in college and was feeling really depressed this year as a freshmen. all the other freshmen looked so happy and were doing really well. So i wrote this. Fading Merely going through the motions of life My body turned to automatic dial My mind wandering in alternate reality Looking at me you don't know I'm just a shell There's nothing left of me My mind is emptied of all emotions My soul's black hole left to expand feeling myself fading away There's nothing else to say This might be the last page in my book or merely the next chapter right now I'm too apathetic to decide Just let it take its own course Lying down in my dark abyss No one seeks me here in my refuge Always in a sea of loneliness The words "save me" I suppress Author's explanation: self explanatory, I was severally depressed. Apathy aplenty Everything going askew in my life I'm just too tired to care Hiding away where I'm safe There's just too much to bear Never measuring up to my expectations Sick and tired of the comparisons Sinking into self doubt Drowning in self hatred Will I be able to save myself this time? Need to find the courage to go on Tired of life always constant, always the same Perhaps I won't live on Searching for an effervescent hope Somehow I'll manage to cope Waiting for an answer that will never come Happiness is exclusively granted only to some Author's explanation: again, just depressed. Suppression So many of my emotions I suppress: Jealousy, anger, disappointments Maybe that's why there's so much stress Maybe it is my over commitments I want to run away from my responsibility Yet I can't escape the shackles of reality In the end I'll shoulder the onerous task And put on my perfect, grinning mask Author's explanation: this was in high school where I pretened to be the perfect girl who had it all. In a way, I did have it all, the friends, grades, admirations, leadership positions, loving family... Mirror of perfection I turn my face away When I look in the mirror everyday Perhaps I've seen too many magazine ads Perhaps I've been through too many fashion fads But everywhere I turn I see my imperfection Maybe it is someone else's reflection Why is it I can't look in the mirror? Is it because of what I fear? That I don't measure up to expectations? That I have too many limitations? Why do we compare ourselves to others No longer are our looks from our mothers But they are instead from knives Tearing apart our lives When will the search for perfection stop? Certainly not until we are all on top author's explanation: this was written in reaction to the media pressure to getting thing and having plastic surgeries to look beautiful... Fountain of tears I sit alone waiting for tomorrow Tears trying to wash away my sorrow Like wind and water trying to erode mountains They create useless water fountains So I hide my thoughts, put them out of sight Like the sun hiding beneath the sea each night The turmoil and emotions tormenting my mind Like the waves crashing upon the sand My tears, no one will ever see Just like treasures lost in the deep blue sea author's explanation: I really like this poem, it was written when I was a sophmore in high school. there you have it, now they will survive, even if i don't.