A confession from me!

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by White Dove, Nov 20, 2008.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Well, this is a confession from me, little white dove.

    I still do not have any insurance and had went and applied once again for the state health plan only to be denied once more. i just do not understand why it is that i can not get insurance? i do not work, have cancer, asthma, and tachycardia, along with several other things, had many polyps removed from me, but yet still can not get insurance. yes i get depressed, i cant even go to the doctor for that because i cant afford it.

    now for my confession. it may come as a shock to some of you but i just do not know what else to do. i have a lot of pain and with no insurance i cant get pain meds. i tried drinking but it only seems to make me sick a lot with a lot of hangovers, so now i am taking sleeping pills to sleep at night. every night i take about 3 to 4 in a roll. it puts me very sleepy and i then dose off and not think about the pain. but here lately i have been hurting in my chest as i take them. i fear it may lead me to having a second heart attack. i know that taking sleeping pills at night then heart meds in the day are putting a strain upon my heart but i see no other way to dodge my pain. if only they would grant me insurance to get pain meds then i would not have to do this.

    i am in tears as i write this because in a few minutes i will once again take 3 or 4 sleeping pills to numb me so i can sleep. i do think i am addted to it and i fear i will have a heart attack in my sleep or maybe soon. i dont know what else to do. i have no money to go to any place for treatment and i cant afford another hospital bill.

    if anyone here prays, pray for me please? pray hard for me. thank you.

  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    WD..are you on Medicare or eligible for Medicaid??? Do you have a social worker that you are working with? Please let me know if I can help, as I am rather familiar with entitlements in the US...hope things work out and that you get insurance real soon...big hugs, J
  3. black dove

    black dove Well-Known Member

    im praying white dove.
    love black dove.
  4. Mightbehere

    Mightbehere Well-Known Member

    How can you get prescription sleeping pills without seeing a doctor and no insurance? :eek:hmy: and if you have no money how can you buy booze? :dry:
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    no i do not have medicare, i am not that old only 36. Medicaid/tenn-care tried signing up again this time online but it said i was not eligiable for it, but might be for food stamps, now getting food stamps is a big fat joke there, last time i applied i was approved alright for $10 that wont by diddly squat these days.

    Social worker? dont have any. did at one time when i had tenn-care insurance, but the state cut a lot of people off said there was not enough money in the system so they cut a lot of people off. if your not pregnant you cant get insurance, so right now you either got to be on a check like ssi or social security, a child under 18, or preganant or you cant get it. i personally know several people who have diabietes and heart problems that got cut off and a couple of them i knew passed away. to me i think it had to do with them not being able to get their meds because they were cut off. one of them i know died because he could not get his meds because the state cut him off tenn-care and he could not buy his heart pills.

    i have been thinking that maybe i just need to go and attempt my life again? if i do then maybe they will put me back on tenn-care, that is how i got on it before.. one of 2 things would happen if i attempt again. 1 - i would succeed and die or 2 = i would live and get back on tenn-care and get some edical help with my depression. i have been thinking about that a lot lately. it seems to be the only choice right now to do. i am danged if i do and danged if i dont. if you know what i mean?
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    thank you :hug:
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Why did you have to say that to me?

    Why do you have to question me when you dont even know what i am talking about?

    to answer your question. 1 = they are not prescription sleeping pills. they are the dollar general headache pm pills and sometimes the Tylanol pm pills. the kinds you can get over the counter. they cost under $3 and tylonal under $6

    2 - i never said i was without money. if i was completly broke i could not have internet. I have some money. I do online surveys and make money online, sometimes with a little extra and sometimes i dont even break even. if you would hurt as much as i am hurting you would try anything to stop it. a bottle of Keisler whiskey is under $5 and regular beer ( Budweiser ) is about $2 for a quart. I dont funnel it down, i drink enough to numb me, to numb my body. Most my heart meds come from the health department which i have to at times pay for.

    if you cant be nice then please dont even post to me.

    i am very varnible right now, in pain, and i dont need more stress.
  8. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Aherm. WD if I may interject, it's a fair question. Pls examine your defensiveness.

    Pain is hell (I have an infected TOOTH right now) but addiction is right around the corner awaiting if you're not careful.

    Diphenydramine + EtOH = a sleeping remedy. Won't touch pain like a few ibuprofen will.

    Honestly, I'm more interested in the source of your pain. Can you tell us?

    The last, most injurious thing to do for someone who might be fostering an addiction is to worry about being nice to them.

    Towards that end, would be interested in more information, or PM if you like.

  9. ToHelp

    ToHelp Well-Known Member

    Something else that occurred to me and it's NOT to pick, ok? :hug: Take it for vital info.

    If you're downing up to a gram of a sleep-aid that contains acetaminophen (brand name Tylenol) every night and drinking alcohol on top of it, that it is a toxic mixture for your liver (the Tylenol + alcohol).

    Far better for you get some help elsewhere, in SOME other kind of way - and I hope you have PM'd someone by now.

    Love - ok?
  10. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    On what grounds are they saying you are ineligable for medicaid?

    Have you applied for disability?

    Best Wishes, Will Pray
  11. Bob26003

    Bob26003 Well-Known Member

    Did a little research. Have you checked into Tenncare?



    For the Uninsured:

    12-27-05 By January 3, 2006, 39 county health departments will be offering an expanded list of adult primary care services to uninsured residents of Tennessee, with eight more counties scheduled for implementation later in the year. Basic medical services will be offered on a sliding fee scale based on income with a $5 minimum fee. The full announcement is available at

    This is the third prong of the initiative to expand affordable access to primary care services building on the grants made to Federally Qualified Health Centers (FQHCs) and to community and faith-based clinics across the state. Those announcements are available at http://www2.state.tn.us/health/Newsreleases/90205b.htm and http://www2.state.tn.us/health/Newsreleases/93005.htm

    For more information on programs for the uninsured, go to www.TNHealthOptions.com or call the Health Options Hotline at 1-888-486-9355.


    Also I believe that places like wal mart sell prescriptions for cheap. Like 4 bux or something.
  12. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Please do not take this as a hateful remark cause it is not okay?

    yep, i go to the health department. that is where i get my meds for my heart and asthma. If you want to know what i take you can pm me and i will tell you.

    as to getting tenn-care/medicaid. i cant get on it. you want to know why? i will tell you because everyone else seems to question me over and over again. i am married ( seperated but married ) my name is on a land deed to property ( due to my husband etc ) that is worth more resources then i am allowed. thus knocking me out of getting tenn-care, medicaid, food stamps, etc plus i own plus i own 2 cars, 2 vans, a station wagon, and a pick-up truck and am living or rather buying 14 1/2 acres. The cars are very old the station wagon is a 1977, and the vans are 1990 and 1991, the truck is a 1979, but that does not matter nor does it matter rather they run or not ( which most of them do not run ) the land that i live on/buying is not counted a resource but my cars, truck, vans do plus the property my name is on.

    this is why i cant get tenn-care, food stamps, etc.

    now you want to know something else. i have CANCER. no insurance and cant fight it. so what am i supposed to do? i am not legally seperated by a court order. i am not divorced yet, dont believe in divorce, sorry but that is my faith, once married your always married cause you took a vow before God, yes i know you can get divorced according to matthew, but just because he gives provisions to does not mean it is still okay, it might be okay to but not to my conceinse, now do you understand why i cant get insurance.?

    i get my asthma meds from the health department, my nitro quick for my heart is written as a prescription which only cost about 10 dollars, cant get my cancer meds, cause its too high, tried chemo once on a trial reasearch, made me so sick i cant do it again, etc.

    so why take the headache pm, which is actemenophin 500 mg and dihifadramine 25 mg per pill and i am now taking 3 or 4 just to sleep at night, seem to increase them more as the pain gets more harder, yes i drink alchol with it to numb me. when i am numb i have no reculection of pain. so yep i am a doppy now, but if you have had to deal with as much pain as me without any insurance, i would like to see how you would handle it? or better yet i would not wish this on anyone

  13. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    Sorry, i guess i did not really mean it the way it came out, erm okay? just in a lot of stress and pain.

    addiction? i am already there, when i take just 2 it is not enough to numb me or get me to sleep so now i am taking 3, when i do not take any at all, i can feel my heart fluttering and i can not sleep no matter what i try.

    hurt my liver? it is already damaged enough, read my posts you will know what i mean by that. pain? is the cancer pain, the sickness, the feeling of weakness, there are days i cant even get up out of bed, the weakness and numbness, the feeling of bugs inside my body eating away at me and me not being able to stop them. the chemo trial was even worse, talk about sick and puking not counting the times i had brusies from my veins from the ives, yep it was free but i could not handle it. if that is what it will take for me to stay alive another 3 or 4 years then i would rather not take it and the metallic taste in your mouth is horriable, it is gross beyond compare. the source of my pain is cancer plus depression or well i guess you could call it that. every one i ever loved has either died or left me. my brother he just passed away dec 1, 2008, just when i got back to being a loving sister to him, opening up my heart to him, God takes him away. i have learned through this not to love ever again, cause my heart gets broken every time, they either pass away or leave. that is just 2 of my major pain, you want more pm me.

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