A couple steps forward

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by beachdawg, Dec 18, 2010.

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  1. beachdawg

    beachdawg Well-Known Member

    Well, I've taken a couple steps forward towards my rational suicide. I have my will made out by one of those legal online places. And tomorrow morning, I'll go on down to a gun shop nearby and figure out the best handgun and ammo to get.

    I am a little sad. I wish things had been different. But, at the same time, I feel some peace and contentment. My worries are starting to alleviate, my stress is even loosening a bit. I may not even be around for work on Monday. Kind of like a permanent vacation, I guess.

    Well, while I'm still around, if anyone has any other ideas or thoughts about rational suicide, I'd still like to discuss. As I said in another post, 30 years of depression, anxiety, and a recent ADD diagnosis (I'm 44 now) have simply robbed me of any type of enjoyment in life. I'm stupid, slow, have no close relationships, no children, and not a whole lot to look forward to other than perhaps decades of unemployment, or decades of working myself to an early grave while I make others fabulously rich. So, that said, and along with my theme of "I'm just weary of life", I've made the decision of rational suicide. I'm one of that very small percentage who just can't be cured; can't be fixed. And, I guess by posting on here, I was just looking to maybe sharing some of my last thoughts. And, to maybe have an empathetic soul or two to talk to. Someone who just understands and says "Yeah, I know how you feel. You're making the right choice to end your suffering." I've had a few replies... thanks.. I enjoy talking with you. Maybe there will be a few more in the next couple days....
  2. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    Hi there, please keep reaching out, posting here and maybe listening a little.
    Please go and see your doctor again and tell them how you are feeling, maybe they can help you.
    There are many here who know how you feel and are here to support you and care for you,it is possible to start dealing with your sadness as opposed to doing something more drastic.
    The key is intention and hard work.
    Turning a new page in our lives is never easy, the old ink often bleeds through, but if we keep on turning, then at least we are giving it our best shot, and thats good enough.
    Thats the great thing about life, there is always a tomorrow even when we mess up today, and i for one am thankful for that.
    Please do not post about any possible methods on here, you may trigger others and im sure thats not your intention.
    Am often around if you wish to have a chat, im the same age as you so maybe can relate a bit.
    Regards Pete
  3. ezi

    ezi Member

    Beachdawg its ok, you've obviously thought it through. Perhaps there is a time where we have all exhausted every option, where there ceases to be a point in continuing the senseless struggle. May you find peace and contentment, it seems to be starting even now. We are having Christmas this weekend (though the rest of my family dont know it), see you on the other side..............
  4. me myself and i

    me myself and i Account Closed

    No ezi, you are wrong, there are always options, always
  5. Fitzy

    Fitzy Well-Known Member

    Beachdawg - keep posting on sf; make friends with people here and stay alive to have the kind of intelligent conversations you seek.
  6. beachdawg

    beachdawg Well-Known Member

    Ezi, please stop. You have family to look after. You have much to live for. Really.
    I think I said in another post you may just need a break; some time to yourself. Seek that out.

    Pete.. sorry... I don't want to trigger anyone else into doing something... I don't want that to happen. The people on this board that I've talked to really do have lots to live for.

    As far as going back to the doctor and all that..well, I don't think so. It's just been too many years for me. Too many. Too many failures, disappointments, missed chances, too much lonliness, anxiety. Too much overworking myself to compensate for my lack of intelligence at work. There's just no sense in continuing on in misery. Why prolong my life when it's just unhappiness and misery? No joy, no family, no kids, just work work work work work and then work even some more. And watch myself get older. There's just nothing to look forward to; at least not anything that makes living worthwhile. Rational suicide. That's the answer. Plain and simple.

    And, I have talked and posted with some folks on here about rational suicide. At least nobody has spoke up and said "no suicide is rational". I wouldn't agree with that statement at all.
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