This time of night that I am in the most danger. I close the door to the day and everything comes crashing down around me. Having held my breath the whole day, trying my best to keep it together, but when the day finally ends and I climb in to bed, it’s the time I am most at risk. It’s the time when it could be so easy to slip away in my sleep and not have to wake up. It’s the time when the pain seems to envelope every inch and if I allow anything to escape I know I wouldn’t be able to contain it any longer.
I’ve done this routine night after night, each one with varying results. I crave the alone time but it provides the space for my thoughts and the impulses to take over. I keep everything within arms reach, no need to even turn on the light. It would be so easy.
I’ve done this routine night after night, each one with varying results. I crave the alone time but it provides the space for my thoughts and the impulses to take over. I keep everything within arms reach, no need to even turn on the light. It would be so easy.