A dark place

[jcal]

Hi,
After six years with my girlfriend and two children we went through a rough period and we seperated, I didn't know if I loved her but soon after realised I did and although she had moved back to London we started to talk about things and realised we were still madly in love, we decided a fresh start was what we needed so she wasn't going to move back with me but I would wait til a job came up and I would move down to her, six months passed and things were amazing, then she changed, said she wasn't sure how she felt because I had hurt her so much I couldn't accept this as although we had been through so much we had got through it, I kept on asking why and on Thursday I found out she thinks she loves someone else, he lives in a different country and she wants to see what happens with him
I feel so alone I love my children but I can't be their for them and watch her with someone else I am hurting to much.
I don't want to live without us being a family and I xxxx Thursday and got even more depressed when I woke up friday morning.
I am a good guy, was never nasty or hurt her, I provide for my family and I work hard, why can't she just remember why she fell in love with me and forget and this fantasy with a foreign man??
My friends would never understand and I can't speak to my family about this, I feel so alone

 

[Sadeyes]

Hi JCal and welcome...there are so many people who do understand and you are not alone...please continue to tell us what is going on..also, please PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs, J

 

[jcal]

I just feel so confused and I don't understand, we got through the hard part and came out stronger and things were great, when we first split up her parents booked a holiday for them and her so she could relax and I had our kids so she could have a proper break, we had got back together before she went on the holiday but didn't tell anyone, during the holiday she spent time with a lad but nothing happened (i do believe this) and when she got back we spoke and decided we wanted to be together and we were both so happy to get our family back together, everyone could tell we were in love before we declared it again.
Then I found out a short while after that this lad started emailing her, giving her compliments and being really nice and things progressed and now she thinks she loves him and he says he loves her.
I just can't get over it we fell back in love and I didn't do anything to stop her loving me I hurt so much, I want to fight for her but don't know if I have the strength, I say I will but I live on my own, my closests friends live in dofferent cities and all I do is sit at home contemplating what to do.
I just want her to remember how in love we were and how happy our fmily could be, thanks for listening it helpsjust to be able to get things out and know there are people who understand

 

[Sadeyes]

Try to do things that are good for you while you are waiting...that way, you are continuing to have a life that brings some satisfaction...see what it is that you can force yourself to do...all the best, J

 

[me myself and i]

They say the grass is greener, but it rarely is.
She has not met this man, yet has feelings?
My advice is to give space, then she has the chance to miss you and i think from what you have said , she will.
Being in a relationship and being a mum, flattery can be an inviting lure.
Be there for your kids, find that strength.
Be you, be kind to yourself and to others, you can do no more.
Welcome to the forum, as Sadeyes says many will have empathy for you............. i am one of them.
Stay safe, stay strong, stand proud, i can tell from your words you can do this.
My ears are open to you should you wish to pm me.

 

[Stranger1]

Just my opinion.. Don't beg and plead to her.. It will only show her your weak and desperate.. Be confident.. Women like a confident man..

 

[jcal]

Hi guys thanks for the replies it means alot,
me, myself & I- she had met him, he worked in her hotel as an entertainer on her holiday and he paid her alot of attention and gave her a lot of compliments, I do understand her being flattered as I will admit that although I loved her I never complimented her enough.
Stranger1- I will try not to but it is hard not to beg I miss her and my kids so much, I try to be a great dad and I was so happy to think I was getting the chance to be a full time dad again and then had it taken away, it is so hard to take.

I will take on all your comments guys and try and stay positive, I am giving her space and letting her think, Hopefully she may realise that her feelings for this guy are just a fantasy and she can remember why she fell in love with me and decide she wants her family back together.
I have a job interview for a very good job down there as well so I know I can be down there soon if she wants me.

Thanks again guys, means alot to know people listen and care, I will let you know how I get on

 

[Lestat]

Just my opinion.. Don't beg and plead to her.. It will only show her your weak and desperate.. Be confident.. Women like a confident man..

So true. Follow this advice. I've lost 3 children like this and its hard to think straight when it happens. Best thing I did was find a new girl. It made my ex want me back more. I them fell for the new girl and my ex begged to come back. Women never like to lose.. So play her at her own game.

 

[Acy]

Hiya, Jcal.

Please do just wait and see what happens. Since this other fellow lives far away, and your gf can't really "go out with him," and she hasn't really seen much of him in the first place (as they just met during her recent holiday), she doesn't really have a lot to base "love" on where he's concerned. She might be infatuated and flattered because she was able to turn someone's head. Give her some time and space - she might need to realize on her own who and what is real in terms of "relationships" before she chooses anyone right now.

Whatever happens, just remember that in the long run, you deserve to be with someone who loves you as much as you love her.

Thinking of you,
A.