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A day in the life....or diary of a lunatic!

Discussion in 'The Coffee House' started by Terry, Dec 22, 2009.

  1. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Today I got to thinking about mail.
    Not your computer generated mail, but things in envelopes with a stamp.

    When I was young, mail came on birthdays, usually a card with 'you are 6' on it, just in case you weren't aware of your age.

    On reaching secondary school age, letters would be "see teacher/headmaster immediately, you have failed exam etc".

    Then came Valentines cards, if I was lucky, and assorted postcards from friends and family away on holiday.

    On leaving school, letters became 'accept/decline college or jobs'.

    On reaching full adulthood, letters were replaced by 'BILLS'.:eek:

    Now in the sunset of my years, I get, 'mammogram reminders', 'Please make a doctor's appointment' and a plethora of mail from funeral plans :confused:.
    I feel like I have a pack of vultures watching over me, who send me regular updates on 'funeral plans', 'leaving your loved ones monies', and general reminders of 'time is running out have you bought a coffin!'

    The other day I received a bill and was actually pleased because it wasn't a "Hello this is death have you got life insurance?" :p
     
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Aged is ill, so she hasn't left the house for over a fortnight.
    On taking her some much needed supplies, Trilby the dog literally fell at my feet as she hadn't been for a walk in 5 days.
    Aged supplied with cough medicine and a lemslip, I duly took Trilby for a much need walk; or rather I should say she took me. :eek:
    I was towed to the rabbit field (some half a mile), where happily I could let her off the lead.
    She immediately tore off down to the horse field (another half a mile) with me desperately trying to run after her.
    Things on my body jiggled as never before, breath came in gasps and entire body let out a "WTF" message loud and long.
    Finally caught up with her only to find we were in a mud bog.
    Trilby had rolled till her entire body was coated in thick sludgy mud and my shoes and trouser bottoms were awash.
    Crawled back to Aged's abode. shampooed the dog and then collapsed in a heap while Aged laughed her head off.
    Cooked her a meal and wearily made my way home.
    Get in the door and am greeted with "What's for dinner and this lot need washing". :mad:
    Needless to say I need help getting rid of Mole's body. :p
     
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Aged on the mend and Mole off to Birmingham for 3 days on a managerial course, I am plotting a 3 day binge of lazing in bed, watching anything I fancy whilst stuffing face with Chinese food. ;)
    Life is gooooood! :D
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Chinese and lazing? Oh, life IS good for you Terry :)
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Mole has just informed me that work is giving all employees free life insurance. ;)

    The requisite forms are awaiting his attention and signature, which once he's supplied I will slyly inquire how long one has to wait to make a claim. :rolleyes:

    I've already researched assorted poisons and their chance of being detected.
    Tested a 'rug sliding' accident.
    And considered 'yea olde pillow over the face' move.

    Mole is living in fear of his life :p
     
  6. Morigna

    Morigna Well-Known Member

    Hahaha ^_^
     
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Aged, wanting to order some catalogue stuff, asked me how to write a cheque
    She doesn't trust using her debit card over the phone, and Dad had dealt with all the finances, so cheque writing is something she's never done.:eek:

    I duly show her how to do it, using the example, she writes out her cheque, adds her address on the back and posts it.

    Some days later, the catalogue people send back her cheque with a note saying, "we are sorry, but we were unable to send any goods as you omitted to add the order form. :rolleyes:

    Aged adds form, cheque, and a note saying "sorry, I was having a senior moment. :D
     
  8. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    @Terry

    It has been unlocked for you! Think the forum automatically locks inactive threads after a certain time passes. Thank you @Rockclimbinggirl

    Now fill us in!
     
  9. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well it's been a while. :oops:

    Life hadn't ground to a halt, I just had.
    A general malaise and several health scares had me uninterested in anything, a state of mind that had Mole climbing the walls.

    Happily, an unknown dead relative left me a small inheritance and life became a little less bleak. :)

    I went mad! My debit card was in serious danger of bursting into flames. :eek:

    I am now the proud owner of a laptop that doesn't take 24 hours to boot up.
    I now have a bedroom suite that is actually in one piece.
    No more wonky wardrobe with the roof caving in and the doors at right angles.
    No more chest of draws that cannot be opened cos the wood has warped.

    Mole, having inherited everyone of my grandfather's Jewish genes, began to sound like the Spanish Inquisition on "just how much have you spent". :p

    Oddly his new leather computer chair, that I bought for him, raised no questions whatsoever!

    Mole is still Mole.
    On entering the bathroom the other night, I got "WTF is a sock doing in the toilet"?
    As I had no idea how a sock had ended up in the toilet bowl, I said as much.
    Then followed the following diatribe: "What's it coming to when a person can't have a pee without assorted underwear being in the U bend. " followed up by "This sock has now been pissed on, deal with it."

    I told him if he wanted it sorted he could do it his bloody self, while quietly having a bout of hysterical laughter.
    He chucked it in the bath. :mad:

    Two days later, Mole is demanding clean socks. "Where are the socks, I've only got one".
    I immediately reply "Well there's one in the bath if your desperate".
    Mole gives me the finger and a facial expression that could freeze fire, whilst trying not to laugh.
     
  10. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Does this new laptop mean that you are going to be gracing us with your hilarious and delightful presence on a more regular basis @Terry ?
     
  11. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Bumping this up so its not locked. Cheers
     
    Winter Blues likes this.
  12. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    I've just read this ... you have MADE my day ... but seriously I hope your son is ok. Huge thanks for the much needed smiles xx
     
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  13. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Hope Mole is behaving himself as of late! Not expect the same of Lu or the Aged.