A death wish

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by titanic, Jan 9, 2008.

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  1. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Sometimes I just wish I had cancer and died, then my death would not be in my control / of my choosing.
  2. ems

    ems New Member

    i have this feeling alot but id rather not have cancer.
    but i feel like i wish something would happen to me so that i dont have to decide!
  3. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    That's exactly what I mean - wish something would happen so I don't have to decide. Selfish really isn't it, when there are people suffering terribly with cancer, maybe I wish I could have it instead of them...

    A Cancer Of The Soul
    What can you do when your life is so sad
    And your feelings about it are nothing but bad
    Who can make better this cancer of the soul
    When leaving your life becomes your only goal
  4. I just found out I do have cancer (ironically, not due to all my bad habits).

    Last year, I most sincerely wanted to die and can relate to that feeling and wish all too well.

    When I was diagnosed in December, after my suicidal tendencies, I said to myself, "well, life is short anyway" and was not shocked, but philosophical. But I start my treatments tomorrow - and maybe my philosophical nature will go out the window... :huh:

    And even though my past wish to die has somewhat diminished after getting help - I still hate this world.

    (btw - I really liked your poem titanic)
    Last edited: Jan 9, 2008
  5. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I have a theory about this. When you have truly given up hope on living, your body eventually gives up and some terminal disease like cancer may occur. That's why it's important to never give up hope.
  6. Thanks for your theory, but as a lot of folks here know, "giving up" is sadly not a conscious choice in many cases (and doesn't explain why others who love life get cancer nevertheless). Anywaze - this ain't my thread...
    Carry on - as you were...
  7. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry FoundAndLost I feel so guilty for my post now. :sad:

    I know it's selfish to want to die really, especially when there are so many people suffering and are worse off than measly me. :sad:
  8. astella

    astella Well-Known Member

    What evidence do you have to back this up? People who are depressed may be more likely to do things that would give them diseases, like smoking, but being depressed in itself doesn't make your body "give up hope." The human body doesn't work like that.
  9. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I suppose Dave_N was thinking that the act of giving up hope affects us physically ?!

    What I find interesting is; I've heard it said a few times that after retirement from employment some people die shortly after. I wonder if this is true and why? I wish I knew more...
  10. No worries mate - no guilt necessary at all...The wish to die that so many of us have here is an "occupational hazard" (?) and matters not whether others are worse off - we all live in our own "universe"... and it can be pure hell.
  11. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    You have to consider how the mind/body connection works. It's not well understood in the medical community. Your body is programmed to survive, but if you keep on telling it to give up and its over, then it will give up eventually.
  12. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I believe the mind, body and spirit are all interconnected
  13. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Thanx 4 understanding x
  14. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    I believe so too, but try proving that to a doctor.
  15. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    I cannot believe how you can say you sometimes wish you had cancer and died, then your death would not be in your control. I am new on here and I have to say I find that statement completely offensive. Since my mum has been battling cancer for five years I have been to hell and back and still going through hell because of it. I would never wish cancer on anybody and yes I do get really depressed and have suicidal thoughts and have carried them out at times but I would never wish I had cancer.
    If you could see the pain you go through when your loved one has cancer which they didn't ask for I'm not saying you asked to be suicidal but for Gods sake don't use cancer as your wish its crap.
    You may not like what I'm saying but right now I'm pretty angry at the way cancer has been made light off as it is a devastating illness and I have lost several relatives and stand a good chance of loosing my mum to it as well. Maybe you should think about what your saying
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2008
  16. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    Sorry this offends.

    But I can't help my feelings. It's not meant to be derogatory in any sense. It's how I actually felt, and was factual and true to my heart. This is me and my feelings, which I am entitled to have and do not relate to anyone else. I really had wished I had cancer!

    When you are suicidal 'at that moment' nothing else bloody matters.

    I realise the suffering cancer can cause which is why I used it as an example to express how badly and seriously I was suffering.

    I know you said cancer was shear hell, but my mind / head / life was shear hell anyway. Mental health problems can be like a silent disease. Like you are being tortured and going insane. Mind Killer.

    Sorry to hear about your mum. My uncle had cancer which I took the blame for.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2008
  17. shazzer

    shazzer Well-Known Member

    If your uncle had cancer then you should have some understanding of what I'm going through with my mum. And yes this does offend me I'm not trying to get into an argument about it and yes we are all entitled to our opinions but maybe if you wish you had cancer you shouldn't put it on here as so many people have to live with it everyday and its not nice.
    You certainly don't have any understanding otherwise you wouldn't repeat it or you just don't care how offensive it is
  18. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    I did appologise that you are upset. But this was my thread and I was posting about me and my feelings.

    No, I cannot understand what 'you' personally are going through with your mum and I don't pretend to because I don't know you.

    Cancer is one subject yes, but different with all people. No set of circumstances are the same.
  19. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Shazzer is just upset that you would want to have cancer titanic, because he knows first hand what cancer can do to a person. You are right, this is your thread and you have the right to wish for cancer (I can't imagine why though).
  20. titanic

    titanic Well-Known Member

    It would be like saying I wish I had heart disease or liver failure.... where's the distinction ?
    The title of this thread is 'A Death Wish'.

    I choose to express the way in which I was feeling using the word 'cancer', because I realise the devastating effects and pain and anquish it causes to many.... which related to how I feel.

    How about an understanding for me ?

    ....I'm sorry that your feeling so low you would wish such an awful disease upon yourself.... you must be feeling so low that you would wish to die in this way....

    Or maybe I said it because I HATE myself and don't care what happens to me, but no-one gives two hoots about that do they! Or maybe I should have said I wish I got run over by a bus, then that would keep everyone happy (mind you that'll be wrong as well knowing me).

    Always getting it wrong... always messing up... might as well just end it now! I'm a sad case.
    Sod it, Sod Everyone, Sod Me, Sod the Universe, Sod Life.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 11, 2008
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