I realised it was a decade since my attempt today. I Suppose I needed to reflect on it, so here I am. I haven't tired it again. I suppose I am proud. It's an achievment. I don't cut myself any more either. But I do still smoke. I suppose I still don't think about it any less, time hasn't helped with that much, else I wouldn't have rememberd todays date. I've just been in the mood to break stuff all day. I tried to calm down and got thinking, and then remembered the day. I wonder if destructive behvaiours can ever got over, of if they are circles in your mind that keep going over and over forever, maybe with the subject of focus on something, different but always the same. I thought if I stopped hurting myself, that in itself would make me feel better. It has to a point, and I like myself more than I used to. But I am still mentally struggling. I thought if I was sucessful at something, I would like myself better. And though I have learn all I wanted to learn, it has not made me sucessful. I cannot maintain sucessful. I can't find a balance between feeling like I deserve to be anywhere, and hating other people. I hope one day I get my head straight.