A Decade Since my Attempt Today, and I haven't done it again!

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by surviving_still, Aug 14, 2009.

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  1. surviving_still

    surviving_still New Member

    I realised it was a decade since my attempt today. I Suppose I needed to reflect on it, so here I am.

    I haven't tired it again.

    I suppose I am proud. It's an achievment. I don't cut myself any more either. But I do still smoke.

    I suppose I still don't think about it any less, time hasn't helped with that much, else I wouldn't have rememberd todays date.

    I've just been in the mood to break stuff all day. I tried to calm down and got thinking, and then remembered the day.

    I wonder if destructive behvaiours can ever got over, of if they are circles in your mind that keep going over and over forever, maybe with the subject of focus on something, different but always the same.

    I thought if I stopped hurting myself, that in itself would make me feel better. It has to a point, and I like myself more than I used to.

    But I am still mentally struggling.

    I thought if I was sucessful at something, I would like myself better. And though I have learn all I wanted to learn, it has not made me sucessful. I cannot maintain sucessful.

    I can't find a balance between feeling like I deserve to be anywhere, and hating other people.

    I hope one day I get my head straight.
     
  2. Godsdrummer

    Godsdrummer Guest

    First of all, welcome to SF.

    Secondly, congrats on the decade of living! Very cool.

    I wouldnt presume to diagnose you, but it sounds a lot like depression to me.

    Are you seeing a Doc? Are you on any meds?

    If not, think about it. Sometimes, we need a little help to get us over that hill. And it seems like you are on your way towards getting better, but keep in mind that from what I know of it, suicidal ideation never really leaves us.

    So....talking to your Doc, getting the right kinds of meds, and reaching out to those who will listen and offer suggestions, can help.

    Hang in there and again, Welcome!!!
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hey i am glad your here welcome. Sounds like you still have some issues needing to be worked on. I hope you can see a therapist for them Coming here and venting helps alot to there are alot of supportive people here.
    Have you ever taken anger management this helps you deal with those times where you want to break things and get angry inside. Helps you deal with the hate you harbor as well towards people. Just a thought I hear it does help heal you inside some Keep venting here though as it helps
     
  4. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    :welcome:

    Interesting! It is decade since my first attempt tomorrow!

    It was a busy summer back in 1999, ha?

    :lol!:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 15, 2009
  5. lifeisashedog

    lifeisashedog Well-Known Member

    There should be some medals for those who survive 10 years after suicide attempt. Or like in olympics: bronze for 5, silver for 10, gold for 15 years :idea:
     
  6. Clockwork Reality

    Clockwork Reality Well-Known Member

    Interesting. It was my four-year anniversary on the tenth. Maybe August is just a bad month . . .

    Anyway, congrats on ten years, and welcome to our happy home.
     
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