A decision

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Freya, Nov 18, 2010.

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  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    Perhaps this is in the wrong place. Am I in crisis? Maybe - possibly not. I am not really looking for help - there is nothing that anyone can say in anycase. I am not emotional; I actually feel absolutely nothing, like everything inside gave up on me. So I'd say that makes me the most rational I have been in a very long time.

    I think that really, at this point, to continue to live is a waste of valuable world resources and that, given that there is no hope of happiness again at any point in the future, I should call it a day.

    Things that would make me happy are:
    A loving relationship - impossible
    A family - impossible
    A fulfilling career - impossible.

    I am not looking for all three of these things - just one would be sufficient to live for - however the absence of all of them and the no hope of having them leads me to believe that a further fifty to sixty years of this existence would be fruitless and likely to lead me, in my unhappiness, to hurt or upset others.

    I came here in a desperate and dark hour of extreme negative emotion a month or so ago and have met some very nice people whom I hope will take care of themselves and eventually find happiness and contentment.

    I thank those who have been kind.
    I do not require "talking out" of anything and have no intention on disappearing today or tomorrow, so thanks in advance to those that would try; you are good people, but it would be a waste of your time at this point. The date is set.

    I just wanted to reassure you all that this site has helped and that nobody here needs to feel they should have done more; this is a rational and informed decision.

    Take care all of you
  2. victor

    victor Account Closed

    i sent u a private msg, n we can talk if u want! dont give up
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    but you are not rational right now you are far from rational you are in the depth of depression it has its hold on you and your thoughts are so distorted right now you cannot see anything clearly.
    I hope you call crisis line your doctor and get help now for you
    You have no way of what willcome in the future you just don't so one of those three things you want may indeed come true for you How will you knowif you give up so early in life

    go get help okay get therapy and get well so you can see what the future brings.
  4. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I think Violet has it right here.

    What makes you thing that the 3 things are impossible?
  5. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I tried talking to a doctor - he gave me tablets but the tablets don't make the problems go away. I am not depressed clinically - I am miserable because there is no future and no tablet is going to sort that out.

    The longer I stick around, the more I hate myself. I have been sat in Chat all day watching people talk to each other, occasionally interjecting a comment or two which are ignored. I'm not complaining - I would ignore me too. But I want to shout and rant and scream. I want to cut myself open and watch the blood wash the pain away. I want to make a scene and throw and break things. And the longer I live for, the more I feel that way - the more I will hurt people and make them angry.

    Nobody here deserves that, and nor does anyone in real life. People here have stories of abuse and illness and people who damaged them. Well I did this to myself. Nobody else. So why should anyone else have to put up with me?

    I have not left this room at all for 36 hours. Not eaten, not drunk. There are five people living in this house and despite no sound or movement coming from this room, not one of my "family" have checked to see if I am sick or even if I am alive.

    I would say that conlusively proves that the countdown may continue without any danger of upsetting anyone when it reaches zero hour.

    I understand why you would think I am in the grip of depression, but I do not believe it to be true. I am rational. I am not mentally disturbed. It really is a rational and focused choice.

  6. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    no you are not rational and if you want to be part of a family then you too need to reach out and talk to them. It has to be a two way conversation. You are depressed and again it is this thought process of yours that proves it. Go and get assessed by a doctor okay and see what diagnosis you have. No rational person would think it is okay to take ones life and then think noone would be affected by it. NO WaY
  7. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    some doctors suck. Even if the doctor doesn't suck, not all meds work, I think people often try a bunch of different meds before they find one that works. there are also other treatments out there.

    talk therapy can be good, but many therapists also suck. you might have to see a bunch before you found one that did you any good.

    I've never checked out chat. Doesn't seem like something I would be into. I think that posting a thread is probably better. With so many people posting at once, I bet that most people there feel ignored.

    You have so much anger, and probably some really good reasons for being angry. Finding a way to let it out sounds like it would be good for you.

    It's nice that you think about other people's feelings, but it's also important to think about you and what will make you feel better.

    I wonder if there is a place where you could shout and scream yet also feel socially appropriate. Like maybe a really loud rock show or something.

    Really though, you don't have to hide it. If you really want to Go ahead and make a scene. Why hold it back? Just doing what comes naturally can be really good sometimes.

    what did you do to yourself?
    My guess is that somewhere along the way you have indeed been wronged by someone, but maybe you are not aware of it.

    Sounds like you have a family that is very dysfunctional. That is a big part of why a lot of people become suicidal.

    Depressed people can be rational in many ways, but are often not aware that they are depressed, or aware of the way that depression is influencing their thoughts, actions, and perceptions.

    Miserable is basically a synonym for depressed. The fact that you are giving serious thought to suicide is a pretty clear indication that you are depressed.

    Do you think that you could go back to the doctor or try seeing a therapist?

    Also, how long have you been taking your current med? Sometimes those things take like three weeks to kick in.
  8. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    can you get something to eat, maybe rest?
  9. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    I'll try using my awesome, magical powers to help you, but until then,

    would you like a giraffe?


    maybe you would be more in the mood for throwing things though

    :throw: :throw: :throw:
  10. may71

    may71 Well-Known Member

    something weird is happening with my posts, since I can't edit them, and a duplicate copy of an earlier post has appeared on this thread.

    also, sorry about the silly giraffe post above. when it's late at night and I'm tired, I tend to get a little loopy. serious subject though, so sorry about that.
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