Howdy..What I perceive has happened to me probably has little basis in accepted clinical pathology, but it is my experience. What pushes you to feel the need to kill yourself? Is suicide only the result of depressive symptoms? I'm a 23 year old male with no psychiatric history. In November I experienced a case of acute laryngitis, probably viral. During the laryngitis I began having nonspecific cognitive difficulties, not unlike the viral delerium that accompanies most common colds I guess. I felt like I was thinking through a fog of smoke and haze. My brain felt weird, altered, and I guess the reason I'm here is it has ever since. I had dyslexic like symptoms, word finding difficulties, and memory loss. But more importantly, I had moments of intense restlessness inside my head, I can't exactly paint the picture, but it felt as if an electrical storm was taking place inside my brain. This comes in waves. With this came a surge of emotional unpleasantness, it was uncomfortable to the point that I had urges to kill myself, thoughts of driving a nail into my brain, anything I could imagine to counteract the sensations and emotions I was experiencing. I would lay down at night, and suddenly roll over and grab my forehead and tell myself that if I could just make it until morning I would be alright. I had no clue why I felt this explosive desperation. Since then, I find I'm not constantly in this state. It hits me at some point every day, and I hit this wall hard. I just suddenly feel incredibly confused and spacey and downright irritated. I am disconnected and rageful and feel an unyielding, incredible urge to kill myself. I almost feel out of control, and I also feel very fatigued when this happens. It's very disturbing to me. I sought out treatment with an MD, a brain MRI revealed nothing unusual. Lacking a physical explanation, I did what I thought was most logical and consulted a psychiatrist. I tried my hardest to accept the idea that maybe I was depressed and just didn't exhibit symptoms of it. I wasn't sad or anxious and I don't cry. So I tried antidepressants with no relief. These neurotic feelings are not a constant, they surface unprovoked, and fade away as mysteriously as they came. Interestingly, I was told I also likely have ADD, and took amphetamine salts, which temporarily help alleviate some of the symptoms. It only works for a few hours, but usually leaves me lower than I had been before. Not entirely unexpected, I figure. I'm not searching for a physician or a psychologist on this forum. I'm trying to network and find another human being to connect with who is dealing with a similar problem or has some text or a link to more information.