I need some help guys..
Its a bit of a long story.. but basically i have this friend she is in her 30's and i am 18.. and she used to help me all the time with stuff and she knew what to say and we got really close.. but my CPN didn't think it was genuine... but i didn't listen cos i was too wrapped up in my new friend and i thought for once i was being liked for who i am...
But lately she hardly comes online anymore.. and when she does we just argue... and yesterday we had a major arguement... which resulted in me deleting her from my yahoo contacts... which i only did because she was complaining about me sending her so many messeges... and she is fed up that i need reassurance all the time because i am vulenable and insecure...
But now she has deleted me from facebook... and i am guessing that means to me she doesn't want to be friends anymore... and that has kinda left me feelings bad.. and horrible.. and like i wanna self harm..
She said i expect everything to be revolved around me... and i was thinking last night in bed.. since when has something been revolved around me... i never get any attention from family and i have no friends... the only attention i do get is from my CPN which is kinda wrong cos i should be getting some from my family...
I will copy and paste the arguement here so you can see it...
But the question i wanna ask you guys...
Do you think its time i said goodbye and moved on.. cos whenever i don't speak to her, i fall to pieces.. i kinda need her...
I need some help to make sense of this all in my head...
Claire...
Also before you read this... the friendly email was really that friendly.. well it was and it wasn't... this is what the email said...
These jokes are too funny, I love that you send me these---- makes me laugh out loud, I needed that. Thank you-
Love you lots kiddo
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:26:47): What is your problem and why are you asking me all these questions?
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:26:53): I was not in my office
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:26:59): I am working and am busy
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:09): what is my problem
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:14): meaning what is your problem
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:30): i am fed up with you talking to me like this...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:27:31): Stop acting like all I do revolves around you
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:37): oh what ever...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:27:39): I not ignoring you
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:43): yea you are
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:54): just like my cpn said you would do
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:57): you are doing just that
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:28:02): but you are really annoying me every time I check my pc I have all these messages from you
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:28:15): I am not answering your constant questions of the same thing
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:28:24): ok well i won't contact you anymore
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:28:32): if that is what you want
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:28:33): if you have insecurities, that's your issue
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:28:55): I do have my own life, you don't need to jump to conclusions and say all the time that I am ignoring you
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:07): See, that is what I mean
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:13): you jump to conclusions again
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:34): it's all about you and if I am not contacting you, I am probably ignoring you
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:29:46): ok i see...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:53): Have you ever wondered that I may be really busy and have a lot going on????
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:29:54): its all about me yea ok
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:58): you don't ask me that
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:59): do you
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:30:21): I sent you a nice e-mail today
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:30:30): no cos maybe i haven't spoken to you since last tuesday... so do i get the chance to ask you
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:30:31): no i dont
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:30:44): i dont get the chance to ask you anything
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:31:02): I am wondering why you think I am ignoring you after I sent you a friendly e-mail
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:31:11): i didnt get any email
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:31:17): I sent you one
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:31:21): check your inbox
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:31:36): my inbox is open all the time... and there is nothing there
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:31:41): I resend
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:32:31): sent it
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:33:07): Just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean anything, but if you are insecure--- I can't help you with that
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:33:29): I am not going to continuously confirm and confirm over and over again that everything is fine
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:33:46): if you can't see that, then ok
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:33:48): your choice
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:34:08): I am not the type of person to confirm myself all the time--- that's not me
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:35:05): I have way too much going on right now, and I don't need you jumping to conclusions sending me messages saying that I am probably ignoring you--- very frustrating by the way
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:35:20): i don't want to be sucked in anymore... i dont want to think you actually like me again and then not speak to you for long periods of time and get so low that i can't cope with it.. then you come back and think i am ok... i can't cope with that sorry...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:35:46): what?
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:35:52): no cos maybe i am vulenable.. and petula seems to understand.. that i am vulenable and insecure... why cant you...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:35:53): I dont' get what your going on about.
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:02): I understand you need consistant company
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:05): that's ok
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:36:14): just forget it
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:16): I know you are insecure
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:31): and vulnerable, I know---
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:36:35): no email
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:40): but you are not trying to see my side of the coin
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:49): I sent it to your hotmail account
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:37:02): i am trying... but its hard... i dont understand i guess
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:02): I didn't get a message saying you didn't get it
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:16): Yes, you don't understand--- that's the problem
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:29): and it puts a lot of pressure on me
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:37:35): i am trying... but you always so angry
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:43): I am not angry
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:46): not know
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:49): and have not been
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:53): not now
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:54): I mean
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:01): and have not been mad
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:06): you always think I am mad
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:09): when I am honest
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:38:15): no it doesnt put pressure... cos i dont sms you anymore... i just send you IM.. which is very rarely... cos i just checked my IM archive and there is nothing hardly there
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:22): I can't be straight with you, cause you jump to conclusions
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:37): I am talking about in the now
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:45): your recent messages
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:38:51): well the way you talk to me it omes across as mad...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:51): and how that makes me feel right now
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:39:00): I am not saying you do this all the time
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:39:21): cause you don't
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:39:37): I tell you that I tell you like it is
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:39:43): thats cos i havent spoken to you since tuesday and i send you messeges... and all you had to do was answer i am busy... and then i would have gone... but you didnt do that.. and you gave me the idea of your ignoring me.. so dont put all the blame on me
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:39:45): I think to be honest is the best
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:02): I am not putting blame on you
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:14): the other days
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:34): when I got your messages, I saw them way later
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:38): so I didn't respond
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:45): and thought that next time I will
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:51): but I haven't had any time
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:55): and wasn't online
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:41:02): and if I was, I was not around
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:41:04): on the pc
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:41:07): get it?
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:41:21): did you get the e-mail?
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:41:57): no i cant be bothered to go into my hotmail at the moment.. i do it later
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:42:11): well, don't say that I didn't send it when I did
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:42:25): no cos you never email me to that address
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:42:38): that why i said i didnt get it... cos was expecting it on the yahoo
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:42:38): I hit reply on the e-mail that you sent me
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:42:44): I didn't look at your address
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:44:00): I don't know what else to say to you at this point, if I am not enough for you- then I am sorry.
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:47:36): Did you see my last message?
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:48:10): Alright, I am going to step out then--- I talk to you later
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:48:16): ok
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:48:29): what do you want to do?
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:48:43): i am not sure at the moment
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:48:48): ok
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:49:24): maybe when we both calm down we can talk about it properly cos i hate heated arguments
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:49:49): I am not going to be the best company for a bit, I have a lot going on.... you may think that I am upset at you or ignoring you, which I am doing none of....
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:49:55): I am not heated or upset
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:50:00): but ok
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:50:09): if you are upset then we can talk later...
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:50:11): well you might not be.. but i am..
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:50:15): yea ok bye
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:50:19): I figured that
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:50:43): i dont have you as a contact right now... and i guess it better like that.. and i add you again when i am ready to talk
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:51:01): what contact where?
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:51:11): i dont have you as a contact on my yahoo...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:51:29): ok, if that's what you want
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:51:40): i add you again when i am ready...
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:51:41): sorry
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:51:53): No, no need to say sorry
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:51:54): i hope things get a bit easier for you, your end
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:52:06): thanks, they will take time...
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:52:15): ok i email you when ready...
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:52:17): take care
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:52:22): bye
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:52:25): bye
What do you think i should do.. i need some help...
Its a bit of a long story.. but basically i have this friend she is in her 30's and i am 18.. and she used to help me all the time with stuff and she knew what to say and we got really close.. but my CPN didn't think it was genuine... but i didn't listen cos i was too wrapped up in my new friend and i thought for once i was being liked for who i am...
But lately she hardly comes online anymore.. and when she does we just argue... and yesterday we had a major arguement... which resulted in me deleting her from my yahoo contacts... which i only did because she was complaining about me sending her so many messeges... and she is fed up that i need reassurance all the time because i am vulenable and insecure...
But now she has deleted me from facebook... and i am guessing that means to me she doesn't want to be friends anymore... and that has kinda left me feelings bad.. and horrible.. and like i wanna self harm..
She said i expect everything to be revolved around me... and i was thinking last night in bed.. since when has something been revolved around me... i never get any attention from family and i have no friends... the only attention i do get is from my CPN which is kinda wrong cos i should be getting some from my family...
I will copy and paste the arguement here so you can see it...
But the question i wanna ask you guys...
Do you think its time i said goodbye and moved on.. cos whenever i don't speak to her, i fall to pieces.. i kinda need her...
I need some help to make sense of this all in my head...
Claire...
Also before you read this... the friendly email was really that friendly.. well it was and it wasn't... this is what the email said...
These jokes are too funny, I love that you send me these---- makes me laugh out loud, I needed that. Thank you-
Love you lots kiddo
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:26:47): What is your problem and why are you asking me all these questions?
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:26:53): I was not in my office
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:26:59): I am working and am busy
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:09): what is my problem
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:14): meaning what is your problem
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:30): i am fed up with you talking to me like this...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:27:31): Stop acting like all I do revolves around you
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:37): oh what ever...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:27:39): I not ignoring you
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:43): yea you are
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:54): just like my cpn said you would do
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:27:57): you are doing just that
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:28:02): but you are really annoying me every time I check my pc I have all these messages from you
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:28:15): I am not answering your constant questions of the same thing
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:28:24): ok well i won't contact you anymore
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:28:32): if that is what you want
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:28:33): if you have insecurities, that's your issue
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:28:55): I do have my own life, you don't need to jump to conclusions and say all the time that I am ignoring you
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:07): See, that is what I mean
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:13): you jump to conclusions again
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:34): it's all about you and if I am not contacting you, I am probably ignoring you
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:29:46): ok i see...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:53): Have you ever wondered that I may be really busy and have a lot going on????
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:29:54): its all about me yea ok
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:58): you don't ask me that
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:29:59): do you
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:30:21): I sent you a nice e-mail today
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:30:30): no cos maybe i haven't spoken to you since last tuesday... so do i get the chance to ask you
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:30:31): no i dont
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:30:44): i dont get the chance to ask you anything
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:31:02): I am wondering why you think I am ignoring you after I sent you a friendly e-mail
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:31:11): i didnt get any email
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:31:17): I sent you one
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:31:21): check your inbox
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:31:36): my inbox is open all the time... and there is nothing there
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:31:41): I resend
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:32:31): sent it
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:33:07): Just because I don't talk to you doesn't mean anything, but if you are insecure--- I can't help you with that
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:33:29): I am not going to continuously confirm and confirm over and over again that everything is fine
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:33:46): if you can't see that, then ok
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:33:48): your choice
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:34:08): I am not the type of person to confirm myself all the time--- that's not me
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:35:05): I have way too much going on right now, and I don't need you jumping to conclusions sending me messages saying that I am probably ignoring you--- very frustrating by the way
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:35:20): i don't want to be sucked in anymore... i dont want to think you actually like me again and then not speak to you for long periods of time and get so low that i can't cope with it.. then you come back and think i am ok... i can't cope with that sorry...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:35:46): what?
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:35:52): no cos maybe i am vulenable.. and petula seems to understand.. that i am vulenable and insecure... why cant you...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:35:53): I dont' get what your going on about.
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:02): I understand you need consistant company
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:05): that's ok
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:36:14): just forget it
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:16): I know you are insecure
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:31): and vulnerable, I know---
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:36:35): no email
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:40): but you are not trying to see my side of the coin
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:36:49): I sent it to your hotmail account
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:37:02): i am trying... but its hard... i dont understand i guess
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:02): I didn't get a message saying you didn't get it
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:16): Yes, you don't understand--- that's the problem
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:29): and it puts a lot of pressure on me
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:37:35): i am trying... but you always so angry
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:43): I am not angry
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:46): not know
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:49): and have not been
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:53): not now
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:37:54): I mean
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:01): and have not been mad
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:06): you always think I am mad
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:09): when I am honest
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:38:15): no it doesnt put pressure... cos i dont sms you anymore... i just send you IM.. which is very rarely... cos i just checked my IM archive and there is nothing hardly there
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:22): I can't be straight with you, cause you jump to conclusions
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:37): I am talking about in the now
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:45): your recent messages
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:38:51): well the way you talk to me it omes across as mad...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:38:51): and how that makes me feel right now
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:39:00): I am not saying you do this all the time
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:39:21): cause you don't
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:39:37): I tell you that I tell you like it is
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:39:43): thats cos i havent spoken to you since tuesday and i send you messeges... and all you had to do was answer i am busy... and then i would have gone... but you didnt do that.. and you gave me the idea of your ignoring me.. so dont put all the blame on me
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:39:45): I think to be honest is the best
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:02): I am not putting blame on you
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:14): the other days
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:34): when I got your messages, I saw them way later
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:38): so I didn't respond
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:45): and thought that next time I will
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:51): but I haven't had any time
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:40:55): and wasn't online
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:41:02): and if I was, I was not around
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:41:04): on the pc
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:41:07): get it?
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:41:21): did you get the e-mail?
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:41:57): no i cant be bothered to go into my hotmail at the moment.. i do it later
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:42:11): well, don't say that I didn't send it when I did
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:42:25): no cos you never email me to that address
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:42:38): that why i said i didnt get it... cos was expecting it on the yahoo
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:42:38): I hit reply on the e-mail that you sent me
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:42:44): I didn't look at your address
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:44:00): I don't know what else to say to you at this point, if I am not enough for you- then I am sorry.
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:47:36): Did you see my last message?
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:48:10): Alright, I am going to step out then--- I talk to you later
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:48:16): ok
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:48:29): what do you want to do?
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:48:43): i am not sure at the moment
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:48:48): ok
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:49:24): maybe when we both calm down we can talk about it properly cos i hate heated arguments
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:49:49): I am not going to be the best company for a bit, I have a lot going on.... you may think that I am upset at you or ignoring you, which I am doing none of....
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:49:55): I am not heated or upset
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:50:00): but ok
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:50:09): if you are upset then we can talk later...
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:50:11): well you might not be.. but i am..
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:50:15): yea ok bye
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:50:19): I figured that
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:50:43): i dont have you as a contact right now... and i guess it better like that.. and i add you again when i am ready to talk
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:51:01): what contact where?
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:51:11): i dont have you as a contact on my yahoo...
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:51:29): ok, if that's what you want
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:51:40): i add you again when i am ready...
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:51:41): sorry
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:51:53): No, no need to say sorry
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:51:54): i hope things get a bit easier for you, your end
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:52:06): thanks, they will take time...
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:52:15): ok i email you when ready...
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:52:17): take care
jacquelineev (26/01/2009 15:52:22): bye
thatgirlclaire (26/01/2009 15:52:25): bye
What do you think i should do.. i need some help...