Ok I know that this thread is a result of my habit of over thinking things, please forgive me. So as some know I am trying to change myself so that I may acquire more companions and escape my suicidal feelings and depression. But sometimes I wonder, I wonder about the outcome of this endeavor. The first thought is what if I try to make new companions and fail constantly? Another is what if I make one who was just playing me? Another what if I only get quantity not quality? I think that these would be more detrimental to me than helpful. I am a very fragile sensitive person. And really if I see any of these I do not see myself lasting more than 20 years, if even that. Granted I know that this is all speculation I could very well see great results. But my mind wanders. I mean really I can see myself lasting the rest of my life in my current state. Just slowly dragging through this life and in the end being bitter and full of hatred towards all. But I would at least be alive. I don't know, I am sure this is my depression trying to stomp out the small flame of hope within me. Trouble is that I do not know how much longer I can keep the flame going. It is just so scary you know.