I feel like i live a double life. I have so many secrets. And im shutting so many people out because I refuse to tell anyone. Im in so much pain and feel completely worthless. I feel homesick for a place ive never been before. I always feel like I need to escape. I blame where I am, but its really just me. I choose to avoid responsibility and real life situations with drugs and alcohol. Im depressed, my anxiety is through the roof, and i need to go to the doctor and change my medicine but i have no money. And i dont want to tell my parents that. I feel like a complete failure. I dont think i could ever kill myself, but i just feel that peoples lives would be better without me. I just feel like im always fucking up and making mistakes and its hurting so many people. I honestly dont know what to do and feel so alone, that no one arounds me understands AT ALL what im going through or how i truly feel.