A failed attempt only made my life more miserable.

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by bloodlily, Feb 10, 2009.

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  1. bloodlily

    bloodlily Active Member

    I admit, i'm a horrible loser at this.

    I attempted an overdose 2 weeks ago outside, vomited out half the dosage necessary, and passed out. The police found me and had me warded. After a few days of warding, I was sent to a mental institute for further warding because I was a suicide case. Only that the people in the mental institute, (nurses and patients), bad talked about me and harassed me for the 5 days I was there. Because I'm a "******", and I'm trans. Instead of trying to make me feel better, they harassed me, called me names, and what not. This is my 4th experience having this harassment at this mental institute, because this was my 4th failed suicide attempt after transitioning. No one cares because I'm a "******" and hence abuse worthy.

    I nearly attempted an overdose today again, only i sorely lacked the amount of pills needed to succeed.

    God hates me, thats why he made me this way. I spent 30 years of my life just waiting for next life to live. God hates me, which is why he made me this way. Gender is so superficial and stupid. I just want to be me.
  2. BioHomocide

    BioHomocide Well-Known Member

    Wow that sounds like one hell of an adventure. But I do agree people are really horrible when it comes to a gay patient. Nurses, doctors, fellow patients, so disrespectful and cruel. They ask you the stupidest questions and then just mock you for being gay. The worst kinds are religious ones that tell you you're gonna go to hell. Pfffttt idiots.

    I know how it feels to be called ****** or asked if the only reason I tried to kill myself Is because Im gay. Hell no! @#&% No! that's not the only reason. Im not just gay, Im a person too. You're not just gay, you're a person too. Don't let people tell you how to feel or act. You have to decide for yourself how to be who you are. Gender is very superficial, be who you are no matter what anyone says. I hope you can find the strength to live on..... but to be honest I'm just a hypocrite for telling you to wait....cause no one really know what will happen tomorrow....things get better, things get worse. Maybe nothing will happen. All I know is I'm sick of waiting for things to change........hopefully next time I try I wont have to be punished for it.
  3. bloodlily

    bloodlily Active Member

    I know. But I'm not gay. I'm transgendered. And bisexual. I've been called a ****** because I'm trans.
  4. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Fuck people. Fuck gender. It's beyond superficial - no one comforms to a gender, biologically or otherwise! I have a man's body [more-or-less] but I don't act like one. And there's no such thing as a man's body, or a woman's body. We're all androgynous with preferences. We all have different levels of estrogen and testosterone... Not to mention, societal views on gender roles affect both how we act and how our bodies form! The whole thing's bullshit. People should be judged on how they act, not what form their body takes.

    "A failed attempt only made my life more miserable." Yeah. I would expect that. I'm not going to fail if I try.
  5. wheresmysheep

    wheresmysheep Staff Alumni

    if they called you a ****** because you are transgenderd you are within your rights to press charges upon them, they are medical professionals and should not have made such a derogitory statement against you.

    what has your transgender therapist have to say about all this?

    have you sought help for your feelings of suicicde? is it because of your gender you are feeling like this? if so have you not got the support groups from when you went through your "steps" or surgery?
    :hug: please dont attepmt again, reach out for someoen even your GP.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Bloodlilly,
    I'm sorry you were treated that way. Unfortunately this world just keeps getting crueler. I'm a straight male but have no problems with how someone else lives there life. Hold your head high and just think to yourself I am an individual and if you don't like me then BITE ME!!
    I agree with sheep that you should file a greivance with the hospital about the way the staff treated you. Maybe they will shitcan some of them...Be yourself and take pride in the person that resides inside of you. You have nothing to be ashamed about. Take care!!~Joseph~
  7. bloodlily

    bloodlily Active Member

    True. A number of my transgendered friends (and I) think that a number of people wouldn't transition to be the other gender. They probably wouldn't even have transgenderism issues if people were just raised to be people, and not a gender. People don't conform to a gender. But there are social gender conformation expectations. Because its "more natural" that way. Me? I just wish I were never born because of it.
  8. bloodlily

    bloodlily Active Member

    I'm in asia. In the country that I'm in, its perfectly legal to call someone derogitory names and practice workplace discrimination (and refuse to hire, promote, and can even fire) to someone for being lesbian, gay, bisexual or (especially) transgendered. I can't file a discrimination suit. I can't even file a legal suit. I can't even file a grievience suit. Because the law here will not protect anyone LGB or T.

    My transgender therapist dropped me. She thinks that I'm faking about having gender issues or even about being raped and my whole life back story. She laughs at me when I visit her, and it made me feel so bad that I don't want to go back. I really don't want to live on another day. It hurts.

    My suidical emotions and reasons are multifold. But gender is a large reason of why and how I ended up as a total trainwreck, isolated, and abandoned.
  9. bloodlily

    bloodlily Active Member

    can't do that. its perfectly okay and legal to mistreat someone here for being anything LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, or (especially) transgendered). the police won't do anything about it. they are also people that perpetuate the mistreatment.
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