A few days late

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by AfraidofMyself, May 16, 2007.

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  1. So, Mother's Day was the day I had everything planned out. My boyfriend and I had worked things out and I actually told him about my plans. He assured me it was not the answer and I pretty much decided to back-out of the whole ordeal.
    We had gotten back together and officially I felt good about things.

    Then today some things go down between us and he breaks up with me, pretty much. I am devastated. I'm not sure how to react now.
    At least before the date I planned made things feel simpler.

    Well, I have news for him...he won't be talking to me tonight. I think he underestimated me--I have everything set up already. This was really not the best time to throw this at me. He didn't wait long enough. The thought never left me. This feeling never left.

    So, today is looking rather nice. A day before work so nobody will have to fill in for me. I have to go get my Dad's truck legal and after that I won't have anything left to do. The only bad thing now is I decided to switch my plan a little bit--tweak it, pretty much--and it's going to involve possibly messing with someone else's life. I'm sorry, man--I really didn't pick you out, you just happened to show up that day for work.
    Dad won't even know today. He'll probably know tomorrow though. I just need to leave my ID behind, walk a bit out the way and all.

    It's just one thing after another.
    My mother left me. My kitten left me. My boyfriend left me.
    I am leaving me.
    I'm tired of being alone. I tried reaching out. Nobody wanted to listen or stick around, I guess.

    Why should I stay anyway?
    I'm finished.
    I'm tired.
    I'm selfish.
    I'm lost.
    I don't want to find the way any more.
    I don't want to hold on any more.
    I don't want to hope for better days.
    I don't want to.

    That's that.
    I gave up.
    I failed.
    The end.
    Game over.
     
  2. dink

    dink Well-Known Member

    I understand exactly the way that you are feeling right now. And it is ok to feel those feeling and have the thoughts of impending doom. I know that it is a hard thing to have to deal with all of the suicidal thoughts running through your head. But, people would miss you. It would effect others lives. Even though you see death as a solution to fix everything that is wrong, it usually doesn't. It seems that trying actually can bring on many more problems.

    Do you see a therapist or counselor? A psych doctor? Are you on any meds right now?

    Your boyfriend is pretty much being a jerk leaving you while you are in the middle of a crisis. I am sorry that he doesn't seem to notice...but I have noticed and I want to help you get through this. Please don't give up...not just yet...you have to hang on and give me a chance to try and help. I want you to be ok. I want you to be able to feel better than you are feeling right now. I believe that you can do this. And I am telling you that you don't have to do it all alone.
     
  3. No to it all. How could I dare tell my father I needed help? How could I waste money that we need on meds for me? I'm a nuisance as it is.
     
  4. glennT

    glennT New Member

    dont do it to spite him... it doesnt sound like he deserves that much respect.
     
  5. You are not a nuisance, AoM.
     
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