There seems to be such a fine line between things being awful and things being good, between bearable and just not. I'm supposed to be in the prime of my life and yet I don't feel much like living these days. Every time I seem to be making a move for the better something happens that just knocks me backwards. I don't know what to do. This past semester I failed three of my five classes because I couldn't get my head together enough to go and finish the projects even though I liked the classes and professors all told me I was really good. I just couldn't force myself to complete it. Besides feeling like such a failure, I also found out that I lost my financial aid because of my 'lack of progress' and have to reapply for it. I don't know what I'll do if I don't get it back. Everything that I could possibly be includes a degree, and I've already spent so much time and energy that I would just be devastated. Not to mention that I'd have to tell my mother (whom I live with) what's happened and she may very well kick me out. It's not that I'm not a smart person. I'm a very smart person. I think it's mostly that I get so caught up in the way my dad taught me to think about things. In his world there is either an A or an F and if you can't be 100% successful then you are a failure. I get so scared that I will try my hardest and still fail, that I end up not being able to try much at all, and I still feel like a failure. I just sort of feel that my life isn't worth living anymore if I can't make my family proud and provide for myself and live a life that contributes to the world. At this point I can't even contribute to myself. I don't want to die, but I just can't be a burden on everyone else's lives forever, and I'm scared I will never get things figured out. Time just keeps moving faster and faster and I don't know what to do.