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A foolish rant

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by flowers, Dec 31, 2013.

  1. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I have a very petty thing that is upsetting me with my cousin. I know its my own stuff. And there is something deeper that triggers the feeling. Still it is bothering me SO much. so I wanted to post it here.

    I decided to make my ever famous curry paste for certain people for christmas. And also my sesame brittle. I developed both recipes. The Curry paste took a long time to develop and is complex to make.

    I sent a lot of it to my cousin who lives on the opposite end of the US. who I was never close with until she needed strategic and emotional help. And I offered to be the person to help( along with my brother). I sent a lot of the curry paste and brittle because she has a boyfriend she lives with. and I know she loves it. She has had it before when she was visiting her mother. She knew it was taking me a very long time to get up the energy etc to attempt to make it. Many weeks, in fact. She knew it was a monumental thing for me to do. And then to package up and mail.... because I am not well.

    I feel so dismissed though. Or perhaps powerless. I saw through USPS tracking that it was delivered to her at noon on the 23rd. On the 26th I sent an email to her asking if she had gotten it. That I just wanted to check. She said no she had not. That she left on the 24th to go to the desert. And it had not arrived before the24th when she and her bf left. But she was sure it would be there waiting when she got home.

    I emailed her back saying that I actually tracked it and USPS says they delivered it on the day before she left for the desert. So I am concerned. She said not to worry that it was the thought that counts.

    That upset me. It was not the thought. It was the time and love that went into it. It is SO hard for me to do something like this. I felt so "blown off" and dismissed.

    I waited a day and then sent her an email just saying I am glad they are having a good time and asking to please let me know one way or another re the package when they get home. Because if it in fact is not there, I can collect insurance on it and remake and resend it. That was the last I heard from her. No answer. But I have seen her in facebook posting. I think she would not do that from the desert. So chances are she is home again.

    She only calls me when there is an emotional problem. That is the nature of our relationship. She is stable now because she has money and a boyfriend with whom she lives. But still, I went through so much making and sending this gift. She did send me a down comforter she had gotten years ago from her mother but had no use for. This is partly why I sent the profusion of sesame brittle and curry paste.

    I cannot contact USPS saying it was not received on the 24th. Because I need to hear that it is not there now. I believe she is back home. And yet she is not contacting me. I feel that there is a window of opportunity in which I can contact USPS aboutt this. After that it will be considered too late. So it is time sensitive.

    I know full well that if there was an emotional crisis she would be calling me asap either complaining or crying hysterically (no exaggeration). But as long as the boyfriend is there and behaving and the money is there, she has no real reason to contact me. It is odd considering I am in so much worse shape than her. And yet she turns to me sometimes complaining over some things that would seem like a godsend to me. I do not have the money or the boyfriend or the friends. I do now have the mental stability she has. But she calls me crying. Still when she is stable she has no use for me. even to be polite and respectful about a gift she knows was so very hard to pull together and send.

    I know realistically that my only power in this is to let go of it. But it seems hard to do. Because I feel devalued and dismissed. I just do want to wash my hands of it and not feel resentment etc. But I am having a hard time doing that because it hits me where my feelings of being dismissed and irrelevent live.

    Thanks for reading my foolishness. I appreciate it. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 31, 2013
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hun i would send ups a call i would and say it was not delivered and you want the insurance on it just to show you if indeed it got lost in the travels ok Do that for your piece of mind hugs
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Flowers, it's always hard if someone doesn't show common courtesy, isn't it? Especially when we have gone out of our way to do something nice for them! I can certainly understand and relate to your feelings in this.

    If you spoke with your cousin just before she left on the 24th, it is possible that the parcel arrived at the depot (hence the tracking saying it had "arrived"), but then it sat because your cousin wasn't at home to accept delivery. I would think that she'd have the parcel in her mail box or at least have a delivery notice that they came and she wasn't home by now. It's also possible (but very inconsiderate of her) that she picked up the parcel but hasn't let you know.

    Perhaps nudge her - a quick "friendly" query. "Hi, there. I hope you've had a good holiday! Did USPS ever deliver that parcel or should I collect the insurance so I can redo the gift for you?" might work.

    And then maybe call USPS and collect your insurance...no sense losing that if the parcel is lost/not delivered. :hug:
  4. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Flowers, this is not foolish at all. You have every justification in feeling hurt. Perhaps a message on something she posts on FB along the lines of "glad to see you are home safe" to let her know you know she is home might be in order. I know it is very painful to try to contact someone who persists in ignoring you. I am sorry for your pain :hug:
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Thanks for the responses. It makes me feel a lot better not being alone with this. And the feedback that I am not crazy ( or not about this anyway, lol)

    V, I am not totally convinced that the postal service did not deliever the package. In my condo association, we have our mailoxes in one area. That includes 2 locked parcel mailboxes. It is possible it was delivered there and they didnt check it before they left.

    Acy: the postal sercice ( its the united states postal service) only notes something has been delievered when it actually arrives at the address and the drop off was successful. For parcel post, they do not have to hand it to someone or get a signature unless the sender requests that. So it was delievered someplace that was supposedly her address. Because my last email asking her to just let me know either way, went unanswered, I feel too uncomfortable sending another message. I could call her tomorrow though to wish her a happy new year. But she does not answer her phone or return calls unless she feels like it. I would not mention the package. Because she is very critical. She would name it "the package from hell" if I asked another time. But I will call her tomorrow to wish her happy new year. So thanks for the idea even though I slightly changed it :)

    Thanks wonderful Freya. Sighs. I could post something on her fb page. A video of a dog that is sooooooooooo sweet. She is a dog foster parent. So she appreciates things like that. It would let her know I am thinking of her. This is a sticky situation. I think the sane thing to do would be to just let it go. But I am not sane. I have many stuffed animals who say so, lol. ( okay that was a joke)
  6. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I posed a great dog video on her fb page. She called. She still is in the desert. She still thinks that the package is there. Even though she checked the mailbox before she left the next day. But she said she would call me if it is not. So there we go. Thank you for your support. Happy new years eve. Its times like this I wish my stomach could handle a nice coffee with coffee brandy and whipped cream. or spiked eggnog. I love my stuffed animals. And I love watching Anderson Cooper New years eve celebration but seriously, a drink would make it all even better.
  7. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Flowers :hug: I am really glad she called and that she is not home as you suspected. I hope you feel a little better now and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!