A fraud

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by MoAnamCara, Jul 6, 2011.

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  1. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I'm a fraud, I shouldn't be here

    I'm not going to have the courage to end it, even after she dies

    Unless I get intoxicated or high with something first, but its still such a scary thought.

    I don't want to die, but I don't think I can do this, continue on. How do I go on, and go on alone? And now go on alone and in pain?

    The unknown is scary, do I have that strength for life or death?

    I'm in a bad way tonight. Alone, scared.

    But still a fraud, I believe.
  2. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    So you do not fear death…although you do not “have the courage to end it”…

    If you do not fear death, what’s so scary about the unknown? Could it be worse than death?

    Don’t let the mind trick you into fear…

    See if you can simply let things be - be okay with what is at each moment (as it already is and you cannot really change what is already)…while at the same time (“now” - “this moment”) you can still do what you can if there is something that needs to be done…

    “a fraud” is a label…no need to label yourself in anyway…you are as you are…beyond any label or thoughts…

    Life can be simple…our mind can make it very complicated…
  3. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Yes, I fear death or not making it.

    Should I then not fear anything and just try it and see if it works?
  4. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    Just do what you can at each of "this moment" and leave the rest...and be okay with what is (the reality) as it already is…this way you can go with the flow of life…

    We can only deal with "this moment". The past is gone. The future comes as “this moment” when we experience it. So all we really have is always "this moment". All we need to and can take care of is just “this moment“…
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    So in this moment if I tried to kill myself, thats okay?
  6. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I apologize if I come off as silly, or ignorant or rude. Its not my intention.

    Please forget it.
  7. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    The point is that our resistance does not change what already is. Our resistance only causes us to suffer. Without resistance, we feel more in peace…

    Also, it’s more effective when action is taken without resistance against what already is…as we have more energy to put into action…
  8. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    If you look deeply, you will see that suicidal thoughts are usually (if not always) arise out of some form of resistance against the reality - what already is…
  9. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    The reality is that I'm going to lose someone close because of a disease.

    I am not fighting that reality. I am trying to cope with it.
  10. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Mo, When that time comes is when you need to hang on to your friends..I for one will be there for you.. I know it's not easy to loose a loved one.. Ilost my brother in law last year and he was more like a brother to me than my natural brother..It's hard but you have to go on living, if nothing else for her memory.. As long as you carry her in your heart she will always be with you..Please put off those thoughts of suicide.. It's not the answer..
  11. LoveBeing

    LoveBeing Well-Known Member

    You can only do what you can now - appreciate the time you still have with your loved one…let her feel your love…don’t let the mind be distracted with thoughts that take you away from your loved one at this moment…

    The quality time you are spending with your loved one now will be helpful to you in the future as well…as you know you have done your best…

    With loving wishes...and hugs :hug:
  12. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Firstly, thank you both. I am sorry for your loss Stranger, truly.

    there is a lot I could say, but things aren't always so straight forward and I'm too shaky in myself to think about it all to be able to respond. When the time comes its likely I'll isolate and withdraw. Its not going to be helpful, but I'll lie and tell all I'm fine, as I normally do.

    As I said, I am a fraud. I don't have the courage to do anything. Yet I'm having this pity party for myself. The other person has no choice of life or death.

    I just can't handle this.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 8, 2011
  13. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    I often wonder why we are here, on earth. What's the reason, if any? Some of us are destined for greatness and some of us are not. But isn't greatness quite subjective?

    But, on the other hand, failing at this life is not something that is subjective. I suppose it could be argued. At the end of the day its our personal, internal conscious that decides that point for each of us.

    A fraud? Yes, simply yes. Failure? That is still out for debate.
  14. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Mo hun, who is to say what is a failed life, or a great success.

    Yeah you might make money, have position etc. and yet never touch another a human being, make any kind of difference.
    then you might be down and out, yet be kind and make an impact on someone.
    Your impact will be that you did not let someone die alone.
    That you helped where you could, were there for them and that in my eyes makes you a great success. :hug:
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