A friend in need

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by chrislink, Jan 2, 2008.

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  1. chrislink

    chrislink New Member

    Hello everybody and Happy New Year!

    I have this friend, one of my best friend actually, who has been showing signs of depression for a few months.
    When we get together I can feel he's somewhat down and distant, wich is unlike him. He doesn't talk much about himself so it's hard to know why he's feeling like this. He studies Law and I know he doesn't like it, plus he's got this crappy temp job he hates even more. He's often tired and he's showing some signs: for instant, his signature on MSN messenger is "There's no point. Finally the end of a crappy year and the beginning of another one". The one before was "There are some bad days, and there are some bad days". And he's acting quite pessimistic. My two other friends are concerned about him too and we don't know what to do. When we ask him about it, he just says he's fine, just a little tired.
    Having beeing depressed myself for 3 years, I know he's not just tired and I wish I could talk to him. But I don't know what to say, because we're not that close. As I said, he doesn't talk about that kind of thing. For now, we're just keeping an eye on him and letting him know that we're here if he wants to talk but I feel like it's not enough.
    What do you think I should do?
     
  2. resistance

    resistance Staff Alumni

    As you most likely understand it can be hard to talk about our feelings, especially if your friend is normally the happy type of person, maybe he is worried if he lets down his guard and shows his 'weaknesses' his friends won't think he is as strong as he would like them to believe.

    Maybe you could send him an e-mail, if you know his e-mail address. If not, a letter, or even a text message. Let him know you have noticed he hasn't been his normal self and you and his other friends are a bit concerned and want to be there for him. If you feel comfortable enough to do so, let him know you have been through depression yourself so you can understand his feelings to an extent.

    Hope it goes well, let us know if you want anymore help with this. Well done for being a good friend. :) :hug:
     
  3. HOW

    HOW Well-Known Member

    In addition to what resistance said try to get to know him and do stuff with him. I know I would like that.
     
  4. chrislink

    chrislink New Member

    Thanks for your advices guys!

    First of all, I think I should explain myself better about the relationship I have with my friend. When I said we're not that clause, it's because he doesn't talk much about himself and about personnal stuff (I'm quite awkward at this too). We went to highschool together and he's one of the few people I stayed in contact with after that. I consider him as one of my best friends, we go to movies, we go bowling, we see each other at least once a month (more when we can) and we talk quite often (just not about personal stuff).

    Anyway, there's been some development yesterday. As I couldn't stop thinking about it, I called my two other close friends (we're a group of 4 ex-highschool mates, 2 guys, 2 girls) and told them I was growing worried. We had been concerned for a few month already but now, we're downright worried. So, Chars (one of the girls I talked to) told me she saw him on monday and that she had been pestering him into talking for some time. She told him he could talk to some professional if he felt he didn't want to talk to us for some reason (if he felt ashamed or embarassed). She also asked him not to do anything stupid. And his answer was "I can't promise you anything". Chars is still pretty upset about that and I feel the same way. We really want to help him but he won't talk to us or to anyone for that matter.
    I'm going to speak to him this weekend as the girls think that maybe he'll listen to me seing as he was there when I was pretty much in the same situation he is now. But truth is, I don't really know what to say, aside from the usual clich├ęs like "I've been through this, bla bla...". For now, we're all going to keep him entertained and distracted but it'll only work so long...

    What do you think?
     
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