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A gay friend who's obsessed with himself

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by pither, Dec 8, 2009.

  1. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    Okay so my friend is only 16 and has been out of the closet for about a year and a half. He had a a growth spurt and lost a TON of weight. He looks healthy and feels a million times better about himself, so much so that he has become completely OBSESSED with “how sexy” he is. I'm happy for him not only for finally being honest about who he is, but also for his drastic effort to change his body………. BUT-

    How far is too far? I am EXTREMELY worried that he is going to develop an eating disorder in his anxiety about returning to being “unattractive”. I’m also not sure that his new self-image is entirely healthy. He honestly believes he is completely gorgeous now that he has lost his weight- and I don’t want to sound terrible or completely evil, but looks are certainly more than just body mass. I worry that not everyone is going to be so understanding of his provocative pictures or his self obsession.

    This is a totally new playing field for me- I have no problem with him being gay in fact I greatly encouraged him to be open to who he truly is, but what I wasn’t ready for was his unrealistic self-ideas.

    Anybody have any advice? I’m really lost at this point on how to deal with the way he acts.
  2. Rayne

    Rayne Well-Known Member

    Oh dear. I know where you're coming from - I had a female friend who was the exact same way. I put up with it for a while until she started putting other women down for their weight when they were perfectly healthy and she wasn't usually any slimmer than they were anyway :blink:

    But back to the matter at hand XD

    First, is it possible that this sudden inflation of his ego is actually his attempt to deal with any insecurities he might still have about being gay? Kind of a, "I don't care if you have a problem with my sexuality, I'm more attractive than you" thing? I'm not saying thats the case, just that its a possibility and something you might want to consider. You'd know better than I do :tongue:

    As far as advice goes, you have three options really.
    1 - Say nothing, see how things go naturally.
    2 - Start to distance yourself from him if you don't like how he's behaving.
    3 - Mention it to him in a calm and respectful manner, making it clear that you're just a concerned friend. Perhaps mention that you have some slight concerns for how other people might react to his pictures, for example?

    ( Personally, I'd encourage you to go for 3 :p )

    Hope this has been at least a little helpful and that things go well for you. Keep us updated on the situation :smile:
  3. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'd just tell him he's been acting like a jerk lately.

    But that might not end well.

    Maybe just say you're worried about him?
  4. pither

    pither Well-Known Member

    I don't think he has ANY lingering insecurities about being gay -___-
    In fact as part of his self-love I believe he thinks everybody should be gay because of how happy it has made him- It’s not so much that he’s making me angry, it’s more like he’s making me worry.

    With my anxiety it also bothers me how provocative he is- I have no clue what he’s like around other guys (not that I want to know) but I’m sure it can’t be good. And I don’t want to sound selfish or heartless but when his facebook picture involves a poll there has to be a line drawn. I used to not give a shit about what he did cause it’s his business not mine, but when it begins to affect my other relationships there has to be a limit to what I can accept and what I can’t keep quiet about.

    On top of all this, my nature has always been to genuinely listen to people when they confide in me and know that he sees how much I truly do care he has to tell me EVERYTHING all the time. Last night he texted my Aunt at 12:30 because I wasn’t responding when he tried to call (because I was I donno… asleep?). And all that just to tell me he was going to go to a mass audition for “teen talent” and that this could be his chance. It’s becoming a nightmare and now I’m beginning to regret the whole thing-

    I think at this point I'm looking at distancing myself- my family members and other friends had warned me that he could become too much to handle after awhile and instead of listening and being causious I went ahead and put it all out on the table. I feel foolish now and I don't know if being involved in his life is a healthy choice for me at this point.....

    thanks for the imput, feeling a bit overwhelmed at this point XP
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    He sounds like he's living out his dream which has become reality for him. Why not let him get on with it? Having lost weight and being happy in his body doesn't mean he's going to develop an eating disorder. Maybe he's just happy and celebrating himself in whatever way he wants. Being on "teen talent" is not exactly something I'd do myself :laugh:, but...if he wants to do it why not?

    Maybe you're not used to him acting confidently and doing what he wants?