A Girl With A Crush On A Girl And Seriously Homophobic Parents

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by vaguely, May 1, 2014.

  1. vaguely

    vaguely New Member

    So I'm a girl, though only very loosely. If I could have picked my gender, I would be neither. While I feel closer to agender, I'm okay with female pronouns or gender neutral ones. I'm in high school, and I suffer from depression and anxiety. Last night I wanted to kill myself, but the Internet persuaded me to wait at least 24 hours. The police gun in my father's room seemed like a good way out, but I promised myself that I would wait. I've come to the conclusion that no, I don't want to die. I merely want to be happy. However, I identify as pan romantic asexual. No one I know in real life knows this. I recently was talking to my mom about my friends at church, and halfway through the conversation, I realized, Oh crap. I have a crush on this girl. I'll call her K for anonymity's sake. We've know each other for several years, and she is absolutely beautiful. K is also intelligent, silly, funny, kind, and I believe myself to be in love with her. However, our church is seriously homophobic, and the members, including my parents, believe that they can "pray away the gay." Of course this isn't true. I tried. I cried and had long conversations with God and begged him to make me good. The only conclusions I can arrive at are that
    A) God isn't real - this one is a no because I honestly can't see the point in anything if there isn't something greater out there.
    B) God is mean. - This one is a no because of the same reason.
    C) It's okay to be a girl in love with a girl. - This is the conclusion I prefer. However, my father uses animal noises to reference homosexuality, and my mother is also homophobic. Everyone at my private school is against gay marriage. It's actually against the code of conduct to be gay - filed under "sexual immorality." So, being an asexual, I can't see how I could be guilty of sexual immorality if I'm not having sex. However, if I dated a girl and people knew, I would be sent to detention, suspended, or expelled. The other problem I have is that I assume K is heterosexual. She never said anything to hint otherwise, and while she may be closeted like me, how would I know? I want to tell her. I want to live in a world where I can ask her if she'd like to go on a date and not be so paralyzed by fear of the bigots who would so hate me. I want to live in a world where K and I date throughout high school, grow up and get married after college, and then adopt some cats and maybe a child. But I don't, and I am depressed immensely by this.
  2. Twocky61

    Twocky61 Banned Member

    QUOTE=vaguely;1428576] The police gun in my father's room seemed like a good way out, but I promised myself that I would wait. [/QUOTE]

    Let's start with this bit Vaguely: If you took this route your Dad would be in trouble, in court & sacked from the police force for gross criminal negligence in not keeping his firearm in a secure place out of anyone's reach, not just his daughter, you Vaguely

    You really need to tell this church where to go - they are not helping you - Ask them why they are homophobic? I am prepared bet you $1m they will fob you off with a load of crap, because let's face it, they are just like the KKK south of the Mason Dixon line

    So Vaguely leave that church, find another or not bother with religion at all

    Now for K: She obviously makes you feel very happy & I guess she at least cares about you albeit maybe not love you; whereas you are obviously in love with her - Your church, family....... Tell them where to get off, mind their own business and get a life & leave you to enjoy yours - if they can't be happy for you then pity you were not adopted; then at least I would probably not be replying to you today Vaguely

    Whether God is real or not so what? It is religion causing the problems in this world not God (if he exists)

    It is ok for anyone to be in love with someone they share the same gender with Vaguely, totally & absolutely

    Your parents are ignoramuses and in my opinion thicko's and I guess your Dad is still on the beat & has not been promoted in the Police force as I would be extremely suprised if he even made Sergeant

    If your school expels you have you considered litigation against the school? Under discrimination law

    You really need to sit down with K and have a serious conservation together, over a glass of wine maybe and tell her how you feel about her and maybe just maybe that will bring her out of Narnia; otherwise she could be shocked but if you really are close friends she wont be offended

    If you need to chat Vaguely my pm is open

    tc Verity


    Nick (Twocky61)
  3. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    I thought I was asexual. From high school through college.

    Everyone grows at their own pace. Asexual until At age of 29.... Im straight myself after finding the right partner. But I do wonder what if the partner was the same gender as I. So doubting myself some days on what ifs. The partner and I are no longer together and we are on very good terms Flash fowarded to couple year later .

    Religion can be a difficult sea to navigate it has claimed so many lives so whatever driection you decide to sail in that sea just remember your bearings and purposes. Stars always will be there to guide you at times when you cant see them they are still there.
  4. Lazarus102

    Lazarus102 Member

    This is the information age and being gay is fine. Seriously, if your parents can't deal with something that makes you happy then fuck them. You need to do what's right for you. And news flash: God isn't real, neither is santa claus, the easter bunny or any other magical creature we hear about in the bible or other such fairy tales. So do what you want.
  5. arturvma

    arturvma Active Member

    I passed through what I believe was a similar situation when I was younger. I started straight, then bisexual and finally gay.
    It was easy to repress my bisexuality, but impossible when I realised I had no longer any interest for the opposite gender.
    My popularity in school went from 100 to 0, as I became the akward guy that wouldn't be seen with any girl ever. I lost my male friends and started to be seldom bullied, for I even though I was labelled queer for not chasing the girls, I was also the guy that was once their friend.

    Life softens a lot when you graduate high school. It still took me some years to accept myself, so by the time I graduated college, it took me one my year to feel it was OK to come out and to start to relate with other boys.
    If by one hand I regret the time I lost trying to be what others expected me to be, by the other hand it took the time I needed to feel safe with it.

    You are very young. I cannot say I know how things are going to be in your life, but I think things will only get better. In time, you will find yourself free to do whatever you want. You will be able to run away and restart life safely in somewhere else, or to stay and face your life where you are now. And the world you crave for will be accessfull to you.
    One more thing, if I had to guess, I'd say K is probably not your soul mate. And maybe it would be better that way. So do not feel sad if you find out she is not interested.
    In your age, when I was approched by another gay guy, I would turn him off in disgust. So maybe, even if K is lesbian, if she is not ready for it, she might reacts negatively.

    I wish you all the luck and love!
  6. vaguely

    vaguely New Member

    Thank you. I have seen this quite late, but I ended up coming out to my parents and going to anxiety therapy and everything in my life is getting better. Turns out, my mom isn't homophobic, and my dad is upset, but not angry. Even after the crisis, it helps to know that people care. I've also recently decided that I'm agnostic, which lifted the religious burden. So I just want to say thank you. And if there's anyone reading this later, feeling like they want to die, I encourage you to talk to someone. Not just over the Internet - say it out loud to another human. It really helps. If you can't tell your parents, tell a friend or a teacher. Talk to your school's guidance counselor or something, because it gets better. It really does.