A glimmer of hope, seemingly out of reach

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Pain&Sorrow, Oct 11, 2010.

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  1. Pain&Sorrow

    Pain&Sorrow Well-Known Member

    Hello. My name is Nick. I'm from Washington.

    I had a decent foundation for myself. I see the possibility of a new one in the near future. But, my current foundation seems to be collapsing under its own weight. I don't know if I'll be able to survive the leap.

    My current foundation is my mother and state support. I'm 20, receiving GAU(General Assistance Unemployable) and also renting a room from my mothers house. I get medical and cash assistance from the state. It's small, but it's enough to keep me alive.

    My psychiatrist moved last month out of state. He was pretty much the only doctor around that accepted my state insurance, which is the lowest insurance you can get. The nearest doctor who can see me practices out of a city approximately 45 minutes away. Which, by bus, is a 2-3 hour trip one way. Not to mention it's a mainly hispanic clinic, so I can barely understand anyone inside the building.

    Because I have failed to find a new doctor, my state benefits may run dry due to failure of meeting certain requirements.

    If my insurance runs dry, then I can't go see anyone. Without someone to talk to and understand me, and without my medications.. I'm not sure what will happen. Plus, with my cash assistance gone, I won't be able to pay my mother rent. She would be fine taking care of me for a while, but my step-father wouldn't, almost guaranteeing me being put out on the streets immediately. Talk about bad, bad mix. Also with it becoming winter soon, the weather in washington is not nice.

    But, there is a glimmer of hope. Another state agency that is working with me to get a job, has lined me up with a government job at the local military base as a civilian worker in the mess hall. But it won't even be a month before they call me in for orientation, or so says the state worker. MY state benefits will have run dry by then. Well before then.

    I don't know what to do. I've tried talking to people, but everyone online are assholes. And I can't tell my family.

    I don't know anymore...
  2. sea change

    sea change Member

    Hi, Nick.

    It's unfortunate that the things that should help us sometimes wind up only becoming obstacles. I'm also coming upon a situation involving insurance. My plan had recently been adjusted, canceling the psychiatry coverage. This summer I truly believed I had beat depression and with the right environment and coping skills, I could live without medication. It was a small deal within my immediate family that I was weaning off meds, especially because my mom was financially involved. It seemed like at least one burden was lifting.

    However, I've realized it's not healthy for me to go without daily medication. The most cost-effective solution would be to go back through the insurance rigmarole. But my salary is slim. I'm a post-grad, paying school loans, rent, car insurance, gas, food... finding coverage with my provider with an accessible premium and decent co-pay is crazy talk to me right now. Yet it seems I have no choice. You said you can't tell your family and I too feel like I can't do reveal this to them, again. It will be my responsibility to procure medical help, which besides the finances, is intimidating while actually dealing with depression.

    I'm so glad you at least have a job on the horizon. In the meantime, do you have medication left? A refill? When I was "weaning off," my psychiatrist suggested breaking the tablets in half or only taking the medication every other day to acclimate myself (or 1/2 tablet, every other day). I don't know what you're taking--it would be best to contact a hospital or telephone triage nurse (?) to ask for clarification--but it's a possibility in the event your state benefits run out and you need to be tided over for a short period.

    If nothing else, I hope just the knowledge that you've been heard is somewhat comforting.
  3. Pain&Sorrow

    Pain&Sorrow Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I'm not so much concerned about my medications as a place to live until I get my new job. Perhaps I could convince my step-father to ignore one or two months rent, it being only fifty dollars, until I can get my first paycheck. I think also, the state office that's working with me for this job has homeless information.

    Medication wise, I've prepared myself for situations like this before. I'd go off my meds purposly and see how I would feel without them and how long I could last. Plus I'm sure I have a decent amount saved up in case my insurance dries up.

    All in all, I guess I'm just a worry wart, caught in a moment of distress last night and hence the op.

    Thank you sea change. Much appreciated.
  4. Deanna

    Deanna Active Member

    I don't have any constructive suggestions, but just wanted to let you know that I've been there, and I hear you.

    Would it help the situation if you put something in writing about how you plan to pay the back rent in installments? I don't know what type of person your stepfather is, but maybe that will help put aside his doubts. I have a lot of respect for you for staying "solution oriented."

    I really hope the job comes through!
  5. bob rose

    bob rose Banned Member

    i think you are going to be all right.
    Ok you could get this job or not. If not volunteer to do something
    it will keep you bzzey do some exercise run weighs it will huart
    but you will fell better.
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 11, 2010
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