I woke up on a Sunday. And for the first time, I feel like I'm finally wanting to let go. So, I just held the knife wanting to finish everything. But it seems that I just couldn't do it. I'm afraid that if I fail the attempt, I do not know what could happen next. It could be a humiliation to me. Because no one actually knows that I'm suicidal. So, I want something that could assure me of my death. But if slowly doing it would do, then it'll be just as fine.