Hi Ritsu, when you joined, i just happened to be in chat, we talked of your MS, we talked of your losses too.
As i told you, it has been twenty years since my ex wifes mother was diagnosed, she still leads a rich and fulfilling life, today.
You are young, 25 if i remember correctly, stage 2 does not just end things overnight.
Yes, it will take work and change to adjust, but only with intention will this occur.
I think, its your loss that has driven you to despair and again, from what you told me, it was very recent.
There is no time limit on bereavement, we all different, in fact for some of us, life is one living bereavement i believe.
Some losses you never get over, but we CAN deal with them, if we choose to.
I do not think she would wish you to join her, if you loved each other as much as you told me, then im sure she would want you to live, to be whole and to love and love again.
Sometimes love is letting go, shit, its so hard, but when you do, you can start to love yourself again.
I dont mean wiping memories here, i mean letting her go and loving yourself for it.
I hope you stay safe, you do not have a death sentence, you are your own judge here, please show mercy to yourself.
Regards and hope for you.
Ritsu, please please dont do anything. My OH had MS and i know first hand how debilitating it can be...but never ever did he want to die..even when bedridden and he refused to eat and drink, i eventually asked him "are you trying to kill yourself..do you want to die" and he didnt, he just didnt want to eat or drink at that time. MS is a horrible condition, but its not a death sentence...i am now in tears thinking of my OH and you cos i feel your pain..i dont know how your MS affects you, but the fact that you can use PC indicates that at least you can think and function, my OH couldnt even feed himself and he still wanted to live...so i dont understand why you think MS is a reason to quit this world. I KNOW its hard but dont use MS as a reason to quit, it isnt, you can still have a production and happy life in spite of your MS and if you want to talk about MS, feel free to send me pm and i will be happy to talk of it, i have live 10 years 24/7 caring for MS sufferer.
PLEASE dont give up...you are more than MS, you are you. :hug:
I have lost the one person that was making me hang in I do not wish to be a burden to anyone I know that in the next ten years I will be in a wheelchair and have to be constantly cared for and I really can not do that to anyone my mind works like that of a wolfs and wolfs mate for life when one of the pair passes the other goes to due to a broken heart.
I am sorry Kali I am and please do not refer to me as a human I hate that word I hate what it is I am not a human I am a wolf I do not wish to kill people I do not wish to destroy I do not wish to control everything in my sight I simply wish to be with my mate.
Ritsu, you will one day be with your mate. and as for knowing you will be in a wheelchair in 10 years, you are lucky to have that insight. in those 10 years you can do so much that when you meet your partner you will have so much to tell them. my OH didnt have that luxury and i find it sad that whilst i understand your loss, you have so much to offer to help others yet you choose to waste it. i fight everyday to stay alive for lots of reasons, it does get harder everyday as clearly it does for you, but my OH didnt even have 10 years from diagnosis so you are very lucky that in 10 years you only see yourself in wheelchair, so what you are still you..and as for your loss, do you really think they would want you to do this. i know its a cliche, my psych asked me that, and my response was "he always wanted me with him" as did my bro in law....but i fight for answers and understanding..and i forgot to add that MS didnt end his life. i truly hope that you understand that peeps in wheelchairs are not worthless..as i sense that the possibility (which may or may not happen) that in 10 years you will be in wheelchair means something bad...it doesnt...you still have the same capacity to enjoy life...you just have to adapt a little. your MS is no reason to quit, see it as a challenge and that you are the master of it and not the other way round. when your time comes naturally you will be with your partner and will have so much to tell and they will be so proud. live and make them happy!
Ice I am so very very very sorry and I wish I could say she would want me to carry on but knowing her she would never take the option away she would want me to chose she believed in the freedom of choice she believed that if a person is in to much pain they should be allowed to make this choice.
i agree with you Ritsu, but where exactly does your pain come from..is it the pain of loss (i know that and fight to live every day) or the pain of your diagnosis. both together are horrible demons to fight. all i ask is that you deal with one at a time. your MS is not reason to end your life at this time as you still are functioning at a very high level, so i am guessing its your loss
that it hurting you the most. OMG i accept that and totally understand that as that is the main reason i feel like ending it all...it was only find this site that i see others go thru the same and give me a little bit to hang on enough to do what i want to do on my Bucket List. i can only say what has been said to me, deal with one issue at a time, your MS or your loss, its a nightmare to deal with both at once, only you can prioritise, i am in flux like you..but i am trying to break things down to deal with one at a time..its not easy..but you owe it to yourself and your family to try so that ultimately if you do go, you can in your heart say to your family that you tried everything.
please please hang on...i dont believe your partner wont wait for you.
the fact that you finished your bucket list and then some leads me to think that that you could still find things to add to the list..i want nothing more than to be with my OH like you, but dont want him to feel guilty that i did what i did just cos of him, free choice or not...they will still feel guilty...so just hang on...add to your bucket list...she will wait for you...and what scares me is that i got told that if i do what i intend, then i wont be with him....as i will be punished and sent to hell for taking matters into my own hand....that is kinda scary...so take time to think please..its a big chance we take...we can stay with them here on earth for sure...but.....:unsure:
I hate that one I hate the christian religion one on that I really do its not what happens not what happens at all you are not punished for making a choice the choice is just that its your choice no one elses.