Pdoc changed meds on Wednesday. I was feeling great until today. I have sunk through the floor and have been looking for ways to take my life. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I'm trying to control the urge. I don't know how long until it becomes a compulsion. I hurt inside. I want this depression and swings and mixed moods to end. I don't know how much longer I can go on trying to survive. Don't see doc again until 3/23. I can't stop crying. I'm such a dork at 57. What's the problem. I'm supposed to have the answers to help others at my age. That's my take on it. Why can't I hold it together? Sorry, I need to get this all out--don't mean to bend your ear with my ranting. I'm in so much pain and afraid of how I feel. I don't want to go to the hospital again. Plus we have family coming Friday for a 10 day vacation. O God, what will I do?