A Good Day to Die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by inkspring, Mar 8, 2010.

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  1. inkspring

    inkspring Well-Known Member

    Pdoc changed meds on Wednesday. I was feeling great until today. I have sunk through the floor and have been looking for ways to take my life. <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods>. I'm trying to control the urge. I don't know how long until it becomes a compulsion. I hurt inside. I want this depression and swings and mixed moods to end. I don't know how much longer I can go on trying to survive. Don't see doc again until 3/23.
    I can't stop crying. I'm such a dork at 57. What's the problem. I'm supposed to have the answers to help others at my age. That's my take on it. Why can't I hold it together?

    Sorry, I need to get this all out--don't mean to bend your ear with my ranting. I'm in so much pain and afraid of how I feel. I don't want to go to the hospital again. Plus we have family coming Friday for a 10 day vacation. O
    God, what will I do?
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2010
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry ADMIN

    You don't ever have to apologize for posting!!

    Do you have any idea why you're hurting so much?

    Nobody can have all the answers, no matter how old we are. :hug:
  3. inkspring

    inkspring Well-Known Member

    Thank you for responding, Wild Cherry. I't's bipolar depression. It can get pretty bad. The pain comes from mental and emotional feelings at war with my love for my family and husband. This whole process continues to ramp up until the pain is just about unbearable and you say "The heck with it all. I jsut cant take this anymore". My Pdoc got the mania flat "normal" and has been trying unsuccessfuly to now get the depression to get up to "normal". Hasn't happened yyet. I don't know how long it's going to take and I dont know how many more of these bipolar major depessive crashes I can take. I'm dying inside already--just want the whole thing done.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It can be managed just time it takes to get meds right I am glad you have pdoc to help you. Are youtaking any other therapy as it helps as well to just be able to talk to someone who can give you some coping skills. Hang in here okay keep venting as it does help you can reach out here anytime for help support you need until the meds get right.
  5. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Awww hun I know too well what your feeling. And I know how long and tiring it can be too. But please try and hold out for the med change. I know it takes weeks. But you know your doc got the manic part levelled out. So there is some hope that the depressive episodes can be helped too. Yeah right easy words to say. But not really. I just made an attempt a few weeks back. And I'm no better off than I was then. Still feeling and thinking the same things. But I'm still here. So if I can manage to grasp on to the tiny thread I've found I'm determined to help you find atleast the same. Wanna try?

    And by the way. There is never a good day to die. We might want there to be but there simply isnt.
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