hello, you will not be shocked to hear that i have been depressed for about 8 years, most of my adult life. hmy: a lot of this time it has been severe, with thoughts of suicide. i am just so jealous of all this people who can ride through life with a smile on their face.:tongue: ''naa-naaaa, you're severely depressed and i'm happy!'' :tongue: when you have been severely depressed for that long you become emotionally numb almost- i very rarely show any emotions these days. if a spaceship landed in my backyard i'd probably be like- 'whatever...' its pretty much destroyed my social life, friends deserted, perpetually single, no chance of marriage and kids and all that show, because i'm so f***ed in the head now. i am in a state of mind now where suicide is a logical step, it feels right, almost exciting. its what people like me are supposed to do (isn't it?). ''d'you here about that jimmy down the road, topped himself at the weekend''. ''did he?, he always was a funny one. oh well, not like he had any family or anything, probably for the best then...'' oh yea there are times when i feel wretched and scream at the mirror, when i am tipped off the delicate balance that keeps me sane and in one piece. i have a method, a time and a place. all i need is for someone to talk me round or, god forbid, catch me half way through (unlikely). how did i get to this point this is f***ed up.