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A Haven....I Hope

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by Lone_Wolf, Mar 3, 2010.

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  1. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    I'm Kai and well....how do I start?
    I'll just list six things about myself.

    1. Well I'm a pretty bad self injurer.
    - I hit myself and talk to myself, A LOT when I'm alone
    - Cut myself pretty severely on a daily basis, I had to wait an hour before it clotted and then it bled in my sleep :eek:hmy:

    2. I'm a lesbian.
    Well I've probably lost a lot of people with this one, I know. I just want to kill myself because of this one. Not like I woke up one day and said I wanted to be gay. I've always felt this way about girls and it's not going to go away. So shut up, I'm already suicidal about it. My parents would f***ing kick me out/ abuse me if they knew.

    3. I've never had a friend before,
    But I guess I'm too shy for one so that's out of the picture :/

    ----Here comes the bad stuff (4&5)-----

    4. I was molested when I was 6-8....
    By my cousin, I don't want to say anymore now.

    5. I've had a porn addiction...
    Since I was 7ish I started watching when my cousin did you-know-what to me.
    ----End of bad things------

    6. I talk to the people in my head and watch them.
    Now you think I'm crazy.


    Now that you know what kind of messed up person I am I have to say sorry.
    I'm sorry that I'm such a f**k up to my parents and everyone :/
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to say hi and let you know you won't be judged here...for one we all have been through some crazy shit that is for sure and two, judging is not tolerated by administration at all...this place is kept safe so feel free to talk about whatever (with in guidelines of course) and know you will be accepted and even embrace by others here.

    So are you seeking professional help for the voices? I think you need to for that one...we are here and all but that is very difficult to deal with so my thoughts go out to you.

    Well hope to get to know you and welcome.

  3. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    I'm not getting help right now, but the problem is that I kind of like the voices.
    I'm crazy though.

    Thanks for replying . :)
  4. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend


    I hear voices too, but I'm on medication to muffle them. They are never completely gone. Sometimes they break through the 'static' and tell me to do horrible things to myself and to others.

    I'm sorry about your cousin. They were wrong to do that to you. There is no excuse for their behavior.

    Yoy should know that we are a nonjudgemental group. We all come from different walks of life. That's what makes up unique.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am glad you feel free to talk here it is safe and everyone is caring and understanding
  6. kote

    kote Account Closed

    agreed that this is a safe haven and no one is judgemental on or about any subject.
    im sorry that you have need to find this place but im glad you did as you will really get support here where you cant find elsewhere.
    you have suffered greatly and continuing to suffer - let us share that suffering and take some burden off you. this is a great place to hide and also make friends.
    take care and i hope to see you in chat sometime and we can have a good natter about who is the most crazy - you or me - lol
    yes you have found a haven!!!
  7. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hi Kai, Welcome to the forums..I just want to say there is nothing wrong with being gay.. My neice is the same and she is not ashamed of who she is..In todays society it is understood along with interracial affairs..I too am screwed up with voices..My pdoc put me on Prolixin for them.. It's an older med..I take two at night and two in the morning and they help..I'm not seeing things very often and the voices have stopped all together..Talk to your doctor about it..
  8. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    Welcome to the forums.

    The cutting thing you mentioned really concerns me, it sounds dangerous. Have you tried stopping before? Like, hiding sharp things do you won't be tempted? Cutting can cause a lot of damage, but you probably already knew the risks. :/

    There's absolutely nothing wrong with being gay. Don't let anyone make you think otherwise. We have quite a few homosexual users here, along with others that fit into the LGBT spetrum, so you're definitely not alone here. I'm a huge supporter for equal rights myself.

    For the voices thing, it sounds like you have schizophrenia (I don't know if other mental diseases make you hear voices. If there are, tell me). It has nothing to do with being crazy, it's an illness.

    ...damn I really babbled on there.
  9. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    But then my parents will start to avoid me, they are scared of mentally ill people.

    I tried to stop, stop for two weeks for two week actually. Then I accidentally cut myself with a razor and then it started again.......

    My parents would kick me out if they knew I was gay. They are some of the most prejudice people I've meet when it comes to sexuality....:unsure:

    I was thinking it might be schizophrenia.

    My mom told me to forget about it but lately it's been nagging at me.

    I just feel like a mess up to my family when I look at myself.
  10. Mandy1

    Mandy1 Antiquities Friend & Senior Member


    Welcome,youve joined the right place,there isnt much i can
    say which hasnt allredy been said,except,i have very similar difficulties you have,we try to help each other here,have a look around,see what you think.

    Look forward to seeing you around,take care for now xxx
  11. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    "My mom told me to forget about it but lately it's been nagging at me."

    How understanding of her /sarcasm. :/

    You made it two weeks before, I'm you can do it again. I'm glad you've tried before.

    This is pretty obvious, but I guess you should keep your sexuality a secret until you have your own place to go...

    Oh, I see you're a pokemon fan too! So am I. :)
  12. AtomicsAsylum

    AtomicsAsylum Account Closed

    Welcome to SF
  13. lightbeam

    lightbeam Antiquities Friend

    Actually there are more than 1 disorder that causes voices.

    There's schizoaffective disorder (mixed episodes, depressive, etc.)
    Psychotic disorder (tpyically diagnosed after drug use. I was misdiagnosed with this one.)

    There are some others, including some forms of mood disorders.
  14. Lone_Wolf

    Lone_Wolf Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I feel so stupid talking to her about the incident, almost like that I'm exaggerating and should let it go. :/
    I plan on keeping my sexuality a secret until I get a job (and through college too).

    Yeah I love pokemon! :)
    The games are awesome. :pokeball:
  15. Things

    Things Well-Known Member

    From what I've heard, people who trivilialize suicide do so because they're afraid/don't understand. They don't want to see it as a big deal, or just can't understand why someone would feel that way.

    I hope I made sense, I'm not very good at explaining things it seems. :/

    Which ones are your favorite. Smeargle is mine. :heart:
  16. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    :welcome: to the forum Kai. Would it be possible for your parents to allow you to get therapy for the abuse by your cousin? If you tell your mom that you have tried forgetting it but you just can't and would like some talk therapy to help you move beyond it. Then you can talk with the therapist/counselor about the other issues as well. Your parents would not have to know what you discussed. I know the whole idea is frightening. Maybe your parents could use a little counseling themselves since it sounds as if they have an unhealthy fear of a few things. Something to consider anyway. I am glad you found us and hope you find comfort here. :hug:
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